MELISSA:
I really hope this is fake. I don’t want to believe someone is really
this stupid. I am curious why a baby’s name is on a telemarketer list
though.

LACQUER:
We get telemarketers wanting to speak with the dogs. The cat has been
approved for a Chase Mastercard more than once. My wheelchair once got
a promotion for an exotic romantic cruise.

Yes, I named my wheelchair.

MAX:
Wheelchairs need love lives too!

LACQUER:
Our cat Falstaff provides that service. Whenever I'm not in my chair,
Falstaff immediately jumps into the seat. Which is strange, because
the cat doesn't like me. But he loves my chair.

PHILIP:
Falstaff probably doesn't like you because you keep stealing his
chair.

MAX:
The dog I had as a kid loved my dad's wheelchair (he was in it pretty
much all his waking hours though) because it was basically a
permanent, portable lap. So she could hop up there and be close to one
of her humans and get transported around the house in comfort.

LACQUER:
Suleiman, our chocolate lab, has the same opinion. Of course, 70lbs of
stupid is hard to work around. He has also been known to push the
control stick. Self-driving dog!

KEVIN:
That's frankly terrifying!
I once had to clear up after my then-boss's black lab got into the
expired Christmas chocolates that the local Tesco had thrown out. The
idea of him being motorised as well is just... No.

Cantiviler: [YouTube short of a small dog fluently riding a Onewheel]