WARNING!
DO NOT GRAB THE CHEESE FROM THE MAMMOTH CAVE!
Lately, several anonymous reports and whistleblowers have come out and said that when they got the cheese from the mammoth cave, which is funded by the Auri administration, that their cheese was moldy. Those who have eaten it got stomach poisoning and had high fever for a few days.
To anyone reading this, we advise you to avoid the cheese from the mammoth cave while we speak to the Auri administration to recall the products and fix the issue. We hope that Auri will do the right thing so we can continue to enjoy free cheese in a healthy and responsible manner. Thank you. Stay tuned for more updates!
Sincerely,
Blaze
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE FROM THE CRACK HOUSE
As part of our manifesto, I planned to do many things to keep our nation silly. And I’m keeping them, here’s some progress.
Our 12th point in the manifesto was to “Triple cheese production quotas and fill every easily accessible cave system in the continental United States with cheese. Finish what Missouri started!”. And we are doing this with at a rapid, not just have we reached our triple cheese production quota goal, we’re already filling up our cave systems with it!
Another manifesto point we made was point 17; “Replace the Senate with a 24/7 all you can eat buffet” and I am happy to report that the senate is now a 24/7 all you can eat buffet. Filled to the brim with excellent cuisine, the Senate Stuff-Your-Face Buffet is our nation’s latest and greatest in all things food, yummy!
We’ll continue to fulfil our campaign promises to ensure the silliness of our nation is preserved.
PRESS RELEASE ENDS