I am losing myself… even small things can make me break now… I long for a release… yet I know that one will never come… I am stuck here, tethered to this mortal coil, why can’t I just be free?
One time someone tried to test out their form for a head lock choke and they used me as the practise for some reason, I passed out really quickly and I don't remember a lot of the dream but I remember I was in pretty much the exact same spot maybe with a meter difference and @slider_on_the_black was there talking to someone else, it was kind of weird as they weren't talking to me or acknowledging me at all... It kind of felt like the barrier between life and death... The last thing I remember of the dream is slider suddenly turning to look at me and I was immediately pulled from the dream... It's funny... That was probrably the closest to death I got and it felt weird... It was similar to a dream but also not at the same time? (The person that accidentally choked me unconscious didn't realise I was unconscious so kept going for a bit of time...)
You know it's got to be bad when a song like "summer depression" by girl in red is the most relatable thing in your life... Actually "Ugly side" is also pretty close...
Something that scares me is the fear that my depression is returning... My favourite games are all ones that leave you with an empty feeling as it is one of the few things I can feel at this point in time, I just lay on my bed with no energy to do anything and cried for an unknown reason... The problem is that I can't bother anyone with this as I am not a very good person so I don't want them to be burdened with my selfishness once more especially with the burdens I've given unto them... I fear that I am slowly losing myself to this madness... People that knew me before say they wanted the old me back but at this point I don't know where my personality ends and my mental illnesses begin... If I was happy once more... Just who would I be? But it's easier to hide my existential fears with a smile and a false laugh... Sorry for this post I'm sure no-one will read it anyway but I'm hoping it helps get it somewhere in writing...
Sometimes at night I just sit on my bed, my legs crossed and just listen to music into the morning... I can't tell if it is a good or a bad habit but as someone who struggles with emotions I just get them all out to whatever the emotion of the song is...
My favourite part is when Jesus comes in and says: "it's jising time" and jises on everyone
List of everyday jojos references for your usage: The sun, Vampires, Arnold Schwarzman, American football, The British, Jack the ripper, Mexicans, Masks, Germans, Engineering, Caeser (salad, ruler, etc...), Bubbles, Italians, All music, Tarot cards, Smoking, The moon, Walking, Standing, Posing, Taking photos, The concept of time, Zesty outfits, Crashing your own funeral, Generational hate, Squid ink spaghetti, Putting birds in peoples mouths, Body swapping, America Presidents, Wheelchairs, Jesus, Licking cherries intensely, Menacing spoons, Saying that you want your romantic partner to be exactly like your friends mother, Traveling around the world, Egypt, Saving someone's life in 50 days, Stopping the end of the world, The Italians (again), Robert Ernest Oswald Speedwagon, Throwing people's engagement rings at crocodiles, The French, Having two right hands, Having a name, Crashing planes, David Bowie, Looking like a carrot, Karate chopping frogs, Italians (once more), Being mugged (ALL THE TIME), Getting in a minecart whilst holding a stick of dynamite, Wormholes, Italians, Knowing what someone is going to say before they say it,
List to be extended :)
I have this small series on scratch where I am telling a story in a sense? sort of like basic animations but more filled with story than actual quality animation, its like my own occasional creative release in a sense that I occasionally post too, when I get bored. Anyway this is my latest one and my favourite: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/989641344
if you want to actually enjoy watching these series you haven’t missed much plus the previous ones were bad so it would be easier for me to just say what’s been missed lmao
(I like darker stories so hopefully I don’t get banned)
I wanted to order 1 thing on Amazon that was like 20 dollars, it wasn’t working so I got a gift card to do it that way, then the gift card wouldn’t work on it so I purchased it on my debit card anyway, long story short the gift card THEN kicked in so now I am awaiting 2 packages of equal disappointment and out 40 dollars