The Wasted Onion has always been the most trustworthy news source in our nation.
By The Wasted Onion: The Wasted Onion Reaches 50,000,000,000 Followers On Wasteof
DUNFERMLINE, SCOTLAND—Gleefully celebrating the latest milestone on the social media platform, The Wasted Onion announced Wednesday that it has reached 50,000,000,000 followers on its wasteof.money profile. “In a mere 6 months we have conquered wasteof just like the British Empire conquered Ireland, India and basically fucking everywhere else on Earth at some stage. This milestone is momentous and the latest in our storied history as The Only News Source. I told you motherfuckers that those child slaves we bought in Cambodia were worth every penny to juice our numbers,” said CEO Clef Bozos at an office party while taking swigs from the blood of orphans. “Not just have we gotten more followers than there are people, but we’re also wasting so much of Jeffalo’s Dell OptiPlex server space. That’s all thanks to the copious amount of Russian bots that we’ve purchased. It was our goal to get as many followers on a website used by a few mere thousands, forget Facebook or Instagram, that shit is lame as fuck. We’re the most followed account on wasteof! Way fucking cooler!” Moments after concluding his speech, Bozos revealed he kidnapped and tied Tyler, The Creator to a chair to perform his new album “DON’T TAP THE GLASS” for the office. At press time, parent business The Wasted Company announced plans to purchase you. Don’t resist. Obey your masters. Now come here, you have articles to write.
