do you think god can cause paranoia?
think about it: paranoia is the feeling of someone watching you when there's seemingly no one
if a god could always be watching from the heavens or whatever its home/world/dimension would be called, does that mean they can cause paranoia? you never seem them, but they see you
kinda creepy and scary lol
i always think that there's something missing when i see any portrayal of human emotion, like there's some lack of authenticity, or maybe a feeling that human emotion is being stripped of its own authenticity, something i can't fully put my finger on either way
from what i understand, emotion, as with any brain function, is more complex that what i feel i see in most media, i feel like they lack the sort of unpredictable, noisy, or chaotic feeling that real emotion carries, the kind that intensifies to a point someone would call "overwhelming" (or whatever the term for it is in the person's native language) because the feeling is just so chaotic and noisy that we have trouble finding ways of expressing it (e.g. when you're just so happy you can't do anything but hop around, scream in excitement, or hug everyone in your vicinity)
maybe it's that difficulty of expression that i'm just hyperfixated on, but it also might be that people just avoid this "noise" because it can make something feel "unpolished" or make others not like it as much as, say, taylor swift's newest album, but every time, i have the urge to find a way to properly convey emotion with this "brain noise"
this is probably going to be something i say in every post, but i repeatedly return to the idea that i just don't understand it fully myself, that maybe i'm just confused, or "craaaaazyyyyy" (- jax tadc) lol
i don't know if this rant is totally coherent or not and i might just be complicated (or sleep deprived) but this is just my mood today
@moneysaver and i are doing a rap battle where we just insult each other's mothers repeatedly for 1 minute and 59 seconds and then scream slurs in foreign languages for the last second be sure to listen to it in all streaming platforms (you can listen to it FIRST by subscribing to my patreon!)
i have two sides
"we're so unbelievably incapable of handling this situation that the only thing we can do is hope the deity we put our faith in can help"
and
"fuck you, we do not ball lmao"
if you donate just $5 to us, we can give a poor starving child somewhere in the world a brand new bible
i know i'm gonna have a shit ton of drafts at some point so i'm proposing this now:
i might make occasional draft dumps
i made this account because i wanted to use it for more serious things (mainly as a way to vent) and i have a feeling there will be a lot of posts that i just refuse to upload because of SOME type of anxious feeling and that sorta defeats the point
so like, maybe every month or year or something i'll just make one huge post showing all of my drafts so that it doesn't end up like that
i'm really saying this as a warning about the giant posts people are probably gonna see lol
being told there's a high probability that i'm a system (multiple personalities and stuff) is kind of very confusing
