Don't always assume the worst!

• Health & Fitness: Obviously, Meta wants you to feel good. This app being similar to Twitter which is well known for being bad for mental health, this is only in your favor.

• Financial Info: Well, maybe we'll need to check that you won't pirate Threads in the future!

• Contact Info: Yeah, obviously, we need that so we can get your mental health sorted in case it ever gets too bad.

• User Content: What if you ever want to post something from your gallery? Think user experience!

• Browsing History: We need to know which Instagram accounts you're interested in so we know what to show you.

• Diagnostics: Threads is a new app, so we want to know if anything gets wrong.

• Purchases: Again, maybe we'll need to know if you've pirated Meta...

• Location: Well, because of those pesky Europeans with their "data protection laws" that they deem "important" because of those silly "human rights", we need to check you're not in the EU.

• Contacts: This one's a no brainer, you'll want to know who of your contacts is on Threads!

• Identifiers: May need this information to ensure your mental health stays good. Meta wants the best for their users.

• Sensitive Info: That's just very imprecisely named by the Apple developers, but for some reason the part of our code where we try to find out your SSN doesn't work without this permission. Weird.

(if you couldn't tell, this post is a joke)