Fun fact: the reason I haven't sworn yet in my life most likely is because I bottle up my negative emotions and don't properly express them. Additionally, this is the first time I have ever externally expressed just how bad this is inside of me, including with family and friends mainly because I fear that few will understand and that I have grown accustomed to fearing self expression or negative emotions. I think I'm also afraid of losing the people I'm closest to because of the negativity I feel sometimes.

If you are feeling this way too, express it to someone. Even writing it here where only internet strangers will see it can help.