By The Wasted Onion: Farage Announces Plan To Do What Trump Doing

WESTMINSTER, LONDON—Proudly standing outside the House of Commons waving a large stack of papers at reporters and onlookers, Reform UK leader Nigel Farage has announced his plan to do what U.S. President Donald Trump is doing. “I am proud to announce that I am going to do whatever the hell Trump is doing right now if I become Britain's next Prime Minister. For example, we’re going to be renaming the Irish Sea to the Gulf of England,” said Mr. Farage as he held up a map with the Irish Sea scribbled out and the Gulf of England written in its place with red Sharpie. “Britain desperately needs reform, and we’re the only ones poised to deliver that reform by copy pasting all of the batshit insane dumbassery Trump is doing across the pond. You’ve heard of making Canada the 51st state, now behold annexing the European Union into old Blighty!” Farage also promised to begin Trump-style mass deportations to some of the most harrowing places on Earth, such as Birmingham. At press time, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer announced plans to copy what Farage is doing, who is copying what Trump is doing, who is likely on his third Diet Coke of the day already.

This stories headline was written and suggested by @engineerrunner, thank you!