(lowkey maybe just a vent post i now realize,,)
my brother said ‘i have a strained relationship with my father too, so i know how you feel” when i complained about my father literally going insane with nothing showing up on ct or mri and it just being unexplained and my father who literally taught me from kindergarten, who was there all the time my mother worked, who i am nearly a carbon copy of, who taught me all of my personality, my humor, all my education, most of my values, most of my interests, literally going insane before my eyes, saying hes a man he isnt, calling himself by another name, saying there are demons all around him, saying we’re demons, hitting me when hes never ever done anything remotely like that in his life to me, making my mother cry, saying he wanted a divorce even though shes supposedly the love of his life, hitting nurses and techs, being an awful and despicable person, changing into that when he was once the person i trusted most, yeah sure thats comparable to when your dad cheated on your mom and you heard legit half of the story and the pain he caused her and decided not to like him anymore #isthisreal
being someone quasi older sister is so hard i want to protect her from everything that comes with being a girl and i dont know how to keep her from how the world treats people of her race and skintone, but i want so incredibly to shield her from that too, have her never have to realize how the world was made not just for her, how the world will see her and her actions, and how they would instead view her brothers, or mine, or my brothers, just because of things she cannot control. i never want her to hesitant on something just because of her race or skintone or gender, i never want her to feel like she isnt beautiful because of these things. i wish she didnt have to be affected by things she wont even understand yet, or be able to put a name to, or reason with, reason with why someone would look at her any different then they should just because of these little, little, uncontrollable differences between her and for whom the world has been built. i never want her to be scared to play in the grass outside or to run or to feel, i never want her to feel like the world has been locked up from her, out of her reach.
in your mind,
do i go to hell?
will i find,
despite my love,
for your same lord,
at the end,
suffering,
for disbelief for your version,
of the same story?
but you do, in mine,
in mine you shall,
you shall burn,
for an eternity, for believing in what i think,
is something else entirely.
-
sometimes i slip up,
and i call you a christian,
when your brothers,
in your faith,
are heretics,
-
maybe that’s just because
i had the privilege of knowing you,
and couldn’t so quickly condemn you,
in my mind,
couldn’t imagine someone go to hell,
who was a better christian than i.
when i was seven i would record videos of myself when my parents were asleep of me saying every swear word i knew and sitting on the tables because i was not allowed to do either of those things
was talking to child, playing lps.
“ok, well, we’ll see you in court sunday” — s
“sun’dee’? what is sun’dee’?” - child
“the day of the week?” - s
“you said it wrong. thats not how you say it. its sun DAY .” - c
sour cream and onion chips or salt and vinegar ? you can only choose one, please do respond.
hmm ok.. ive spent two amazing hours playing games.. maybe i should… since its eleven pm… yoop, ruin my joy by looking at my cell phone for another two hours..
ive come back on several times in the past week, i have simply had nothing to say!
i have three hundred lessons to finish before june 7 and as soon as i get into a roll for the first time in like two days , where i actually want to do more school, this happens. fffreak my stupid life
i cant wait for the day my bedroom is not right next to my nearly thirty year old brothers bedroom
people who dont think ab why they feel ways genuinely drive me insane like girl what do you mean you think your want for a rhinoplasty came out of nowhere you spend six hours a day on tiktok
why does no one talk ab mouthwashing anyone !!!!!!!! everyone was talking ab it for like december 2024 and since then nada ! whats up with that !!!
being an author at ten not impressive in a book club full of ex homeschoolers, fun fact. theres like two other kids there who’ve published books and like four writing full novels with plans