The best group chat name: Stephen Hawking’s Pit Crew
HAWKTIMUS PRIME
Back in the good ol’ days
Literally anywhere in the late 1800s-early 1900s is not a great place to be for the most part:
1890 - Congrats everyone has polio and women have no rights!
1900 - Cool now women still don’t have rights but we’re going to pretend like they do and also if you’re older than 3 years old good luck in the coal mines
1910 - Congrats there’s a giant war going on. If you’re a white male over the age of like 16 you’re going to die in a gigantic war and if you’re a minority male you’re going to die in a gigantic war with crappier equipment and a shitty burial (women still have no rights btw)
1920 - Good news: the gigantic war is over! Bad news: everyone you know died and women still have no rights
1930 - You thought you were done? The Germans decide they didn’t get their butts kicked hard enough so some Austrian painter dude decides to try and take over the world again!!!!!! If you’re a soldier, you die in combat (bonus: sadistic biological warfare was just invented) by being bombed or mustard-gassed! If you’re a civilian, you can avoid the mustard gas but they’re still probably going to Blitzkrieg the shit out of you
1940 - more war (this dark-haired hater of people with dark hair really doesn't give up), etc. sarcastic remark about women not having rights for the fifth time
“I was born in the wrong generation” NO YOU WERE NOT
Did you love the idea of crossing the United States to Manifest Destiny™? I hope you also love dying of dysentery in a hot cart pulled by two sickly horses in the middle of the Wyoming wilderness!
“I would have loved to live in the Victorian era it’s just so
aesthetic ” The aesthetic is wholly ruined once you’re diagnosed with smallpox and the doctor’s best cure is to stand on your head in a bucket filled with leeches on each equinox“Music these days is so garbage. I hate mumble rappers, I only listen to Queen and Pink Floyd.” 1. Nobody stops you from having preferences or forcing you to listen to music you don’t like 2. Congratulations you’re quirky and unique for listening to music that millions of other people listen to each month would you like a medal or a monument 3. Literally nobody cares about your music taste so why whine about it
“They don’t make music like this anymore” BRO THIS MUSIC VIDEO IS FROM 2017 HOLY CRAP ARE YOU FIVE YEARS OLD
I’m in my high school office, I had some issues and a mental breakdown. I’m working it out now.
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“My momma always said that life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get” -Forrest Gump
this girl in my history class I like kept asking me to homecoming, idk if she was serious or messing with me, but i’m going camping this week, so I ain’t going to homecoming anyway
Don't you just hate when your shower walks to the tub in france from uranus all the way from chickens crossing the roads while you eat dino nuggies from birds in a tornado and then you look in the mirror and then you walk out of a window out of a corner and then you fall down and see yourself in the sun but the sun walks to the bottom of the earth and then you laugh making your kool-aid squirt out of your nose??...Yeah me too.
Look, Perry the Platypus, I’ve done it! Behold the Dr. Doofenschmirtz Meth Lab-I-Nator!
Dr. Doofenschmirtz Inc.
I just feel the need to write a few songs in English class instead of the writing assessment.
Sub-Zero vs. Scorpion:
Who’s better? Answer in the comments, and you can choose a different character if you want.
In English class blasting music in my ears because I don’t want to deal with other people rn.
Has anyone else ever imagined if the school pulled the fire alarm because there was a fire, but it was fire drill day and the firefighters didn’t come.