I can’t act like I do irl on this site because everyone hates it. Like, even when I’m asking for clarification, people think i’m trying to start a flame war.
I’m just a curious person, and when something seems weird or off, I call it out. Is that not allowed?
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As long as you’re not declaring anything or being accusatory then it shouldn’t be considered starting a flame war tbh
Like, there are two approaches:
“Why are furries notorious for pornography?” - This implies you believe they’re known for that, which might be taken aggressively, or as though you’re stating a fact
“Is it just me, or do I see a lot of furry porn? Does anyone know why this is?” - A lot more passive, just saying an anecdotal experience, not a universal declaration
But ofc this can still be hard to structure, or you might not be answering the question you really want to answer
Maybe it’s just me though, but I always place doubt in myself and I don’t like to mention things “factually” unless everyone present can 100% confirm it… so I really only state things as “what I think” or “what I know” instead of “what is known”. In essence… I don’t think I’m 100% right, I’m very open for people to correct me and tell me if my perspective does not accurately reflect others
And that’s just an approachable tone you can make tbh, but that’s my experience
I said this: https://wasteof.money/posts/63ffff4c7d576c21e6c89ad1/#comments-6424775110c75bac38be8fbe
and I got an admin message saying it was kinda racist and I was starting a flamewar
It does seem like you were jumping to conclusions or making statements as though they were facts, yes
But they are also responsible for continuing an argument to some extent…
In general, both people are to blame in an argument if neither side is open to listening. Like from what I’ve heard, the term POC (people of color) has been used to describe people of Asian descent, but it would’ve been better if either side of the argument was more open to hearing the other side, not proving them wrong. Figure out why they think what they think and introduce your perspective.
it’s hard for me because some people (i’m just gonna say it. ally is one of them) aren’t willing to consider that I could possibly be right. This, obviously, makes me act different to them. But I try.
And of course it’s not all their fault. I do a lot of wrong things. I need to work on not being such a teenager (aka not be so inclined to try to prove someone wrong/make fun of them).
Then yes, that’s their problem if a person is completely unopen to the idea that you’re correct. Both sides are entitled to the possibility of being “right”. But an argument shouldn’t be based around that, it should be about reaching an understanding. Rather than either side proving the other wrong, there should be no “wrong” or “right”; there should only be “what I think” and “what you think” and seeing what parts you agree/disagree with or have in common.
Because if neither side thinks they’re wrong, nothing is being done if both sides are trying to prove the other wrong. Because neither will budge.
Like personally, had I been in your position, I would have done it like this (and I believe this would have resulted in a more peaceful interaction, but this is all theoretical):
“Hey, I saw your profile picture on Guilded. From what I remember, the person in the profile picture was Asian. I’m not sure if Asian people are considered people of color, so I wanted to ask if this was you or if this was you saying Asian people are people of color?”
And after, if they were to correct you that Asians are POC, I would have just stood corrected and moved on, less of arguing what you think it should be, what you thought it was, etc.