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By The Wasted Onion: Joe Biden Sneaks Back Into White House Under ‘Job Iden’ Pseudonym

WASHINGTON—In a elaborate scheme to reclaim the presidency for himself, former U.S. President Joe Biden snuck back into the White House Monday using a disguise and "Job Iden" pseudonym. "Hello Mr. President! I am Job Iden. Now my friend, I'm here on some very important business that I believe a skilled businessman like yourself will find of utmost interest! I hope I can interest you in brain-enhancement supplements? I know you're already a clever clogs, but trust me my friend, this lovely little pill can make that big beautiful brain of yours even bigger!" said Joe Biden while wearing a disguise consisting of a big moustache and top hat. "I like this guy, very smart. I'd say he's almost the smartest man I've met if I hadn't met myself! And I do have amazing brain health - reportedly the best health of any president in history - its true, that's what they say, the doctors, who give me MRI's all the time. You want to know why? It's because they're trying to figure out what makes me so healthy - ‘oh please, Mr. President, how are you so fit and healthy? We don't understand Mr. Trump’ - that's what the doctors say. So yes, Mr. Job, I'd like some of your brian [sic] pills," said President Trump moments before Biden’s fake moustache fell off due to the adhesive failing, to which Vice President JD Vance reportedly screamed "wait a minute, that's Joe Biden!" in a high pitched girly voice. According to inside sources, Biden said "Oh well, gotta run, see ya later, jack!" before making his escape while Trump administration aides shook their heads at the embarrassing incident. "That was a close call, Mr. President," said the newest aide according to reports, which was actually just former Vice President Kamala Harris wearing a big cartoon wig.

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