in other news i have no cavities somehow so yay ive only ever had one and that one i got filled two years ago :DDDDD
I DIDNT SEE THIS PART WHAT. OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY I’LL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ILY IF U EVER NEED TO TALK I’M HERE AND I WILL ANSWER ASAP
tysmmm cries it ok it was funni to see you have replied yipie 
sorry that sounded really choppy but i needed to specify the first part of mm my first message wasnt what i found funni. cries real tears
anyway uhm yeah its just it was lwk unexpected by ,,, at least me,, everyone looks at me like im insane when i say that and hes been like proper delirious the last three months so its just kind of insane nothing feels real ,,, haha, and in other news my therapist told me based on test results i have severe depression and severe anxiety, and ocd tendencies which might in time lead to a diagnosis of something if a i have something, b she notices more signs of it and c i follow up with a proper shrink (shes a therapist but not a psychologist so she can like listen to me and suggest things but not diagnose ) and a sensory processing disorder or something idk she said like three words ive never heard in my life and it revolved around sensory issues but yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we have to move in ten days thankfully we’re stayibng in the same complext but i just idk i have so many memories here and he legit died here so im partially really really thankful we’re moving but also omg i hate packing i hate moving i just wish life was how it was six months ago it seems like heaven compared to today i cant even describe . oh and I AM STILL NOT DONE WITH THE EIGHTH FREAKING GRADE IM NEARLY FIFTEEN….
and oh my GOD ive never wanted to chop all my hair off more in my life and people keep advising me against it I COULD PULL OFF A PIXIE CUT I NEED ALL THE HATERS TO HUSH OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i cut off seven inches of my hair like four days ago omg i want the rest off so bad
oh and we were out when he died lmao so i didnt get to say goodbye how i wanted but at least i said i love you before we left and he said it to my mom and she keeps telling everyone he said it back to me but he didnt and i never told her he did !! and cps came the next day because they thought i was required to take care of him alone and that was what my last conversation with him was about !! and i was mad at him because he was planning nto tell them something which would paint my health as being ignored because he thought he was the focal point of the conversation wtih them because aps had just come that day ! and I HAVE NO FRIENDS i legit have no one to tell except i told my therapist when it happened. youre the only other person ive told. no one on scratch because i dont really talk there anymore because i feel like im wasting my life when im online but im online either way, im goofing off either way, ignoring my studies either way, and sometimes i ration its more productive to come on here than , say, watch youtube or something so i feel like i have friends, but im realizing lwk i have neglected all my friends and so like i dont have any anymore. and sure thats my fault but i just feel so fricking alone and so angry and i have for months and i am going insane. but thats nothing to burden you with and i apologize i have so far . i just wish anything was still stable in my life i wish it was 2023 and my biggest worry was my parents realizing i have a favorite beatle.
wait ur pronouns are he/they now? can i still call u girl or is it upsetting if so im so sorry cause i just realized it idk how long theyve been changed sorry i didnt realize
i lowkey dont have any friends irl that im replacing my online friends w (not that i could obvi but u get what i mean),, im just being lazy and not coming online </3 it hasnt helped that these last two weeks have been #craycray, my papa is in the hospital again #tragic, went #craycray again, went #catholic too? , then #agnostic (interesting!), then called himself by a completely replaced and different full name #spicingthingsup, forgot my name #henamedme? , forgot a lot
etc etc etc, boring boring boring. in more important news i got another computer and an XBOX from my BROTHER so now i can play fallout four!!!!!!!!!!
wow !! i hope ur doing well heart u if u ever need to talk i am here. IWANT A GAMING CONSOLE OF ANY KIND TWIN MY PARENTS ARE ANTI-VIDEO GAMES MADE AFTER THE 80s. well my dad is. my mom is just anti-any video games ever at all. all i want is tomodachi life and nba 2k26 and nhl 26 bro. also college football 26 that game looks very fun
OMGG I WISH I COULD SEND U ONE BRO I HAVE LIKE AN EXCESS and WHAATT??? WHYY THE BEST VIDEO GAMES HAVE BEEN MADE AFTER THE EIGHTIES, WHY THE EIGHTIES THATS LIKE BEING VIDEO GAME AMISH THERE WWERENT EVEN ANY THEN WTH….OMGG I WANT TOMODACHI LIFE AS WELL IVE WATNED IT SINCE I WAS LIKE SEVEN except my mom thought it was freaky like the sims so she wouldnt even let me watch dantdm play it after like two months BUT I DID AND LIKE EVER SINCE THEN IVE WANTED IT SOO BAD LIKE IN 2024 I WAS TEMPTED TO LEGIT BUY A DS or 3DS OR WHATEVER IT IS TO PLAY IT«, I WAS SOOO HAPPY WHEN THEY SAID IT WAS COMING TO THE SWTICH and THE SWITCH ONE AT THATT,, IM GONNA BUY IT WHEN I GET THE COURAGE UP TO ASK MY MOM CAUSE i think she still thinks its like the sims… ANYWAY I DONT KNOW ABOUT THOSE OTHER GAMES BUT THEY SOUND SO COOOL ,, MY DADS ETTING INTO SPORTS LOLL, I WAS MEANING TO ASK U IF U LIKED ANY SPECIFIC LIKE SOCCER OR BASEBALL TEAMS,, THOSE ARE HIS FAVS I THINK LOLL,, HE #ABANDONED TENNIS… :(((
THE COLORADO ROCKIES FOR BASEBALL AND THE DENVER SUMMIT FOR WOMEN’S SOCCER !! i larp as a colorado rapids fan sometimes but lowkey i can’t make myself care ab men’s soccer
THE ONE PERSON MY AGE I KNOW IRL TURNED FIFTEEN SOON,,, SHES LEGIT GONNA BE A SOPH . MORE IDK HOW TO SPELL IT NEXT YEAR WHICH LIKE IS CRAYCRAY SHES LIKE FIVE MONTHS OLDER THAN ME ITS SO CREEPY HOW AM I SO OLD ITS SO FRIGHTENING I REMEMBER HAVBING OCS THIS OLD WHEN I WAS LIKE ELEVEN </33 I STILL FEEL LIKE ITS 2023 I FEEL LIKE THE WORLD STOPPED WHEN I WAS ELEVEN IDK ITS INSANE
i was rereading some stuff i wrote to you like a year ago sorry i was so idk pissy i cant think of my alt word for that , ab u saying you had adhd idk erm i lowkey felt like. well some people lwk just spout that and claim it for everything but i think if you research whatever it is you probs have a good chance of knowing whether or not u have it, ofc idk some people might be looking for stuff and claiming theyve found it but i dont think thats what its like for everyone i was lwk just really annoying and also trying to deny that anything was wrong with myself either, not true not even if you ignore it yk, ocd is a perfect explanation to what ive experienced especially in SO many manifestations in the past two years, and lowkey idk something like 30% of people with ocd have autism or other way around and erm my brother and mother and father have all guessed that before. so. that might be as well possible but uhm i know thats not an excuse for my behavior, not is any thing possibly wrong with me or what my current opinion was then of what was or might be wrong with me, i am simply trying to offer an explanation for why i was rude hah. i very much apologize and hope as well you will forgive me.
tyy idk where even to start LOLLL just bascially i was stressed cause my dad was having delirium w/o a known cause like they legit had no clue why he was going insane </3 all the scans showed nothing, he was in the hospital like three weeks as well, the rehab like twoo,, it was crazy we thought he was gonna uhmm leave the house and go to longterm instead of living here, we thought that like idk four weeks it was freaking me outtt , and im FAILING SCHOOL IM LEGIT STILL INB EIGHTH … finished bible + world geo + physical science, got a, a , and b BUT LEGIT OFF OF AN A BY ONE POINT BRO ONE WHOLE POINT IT WAS AN 88 AND 89 IS AN A. i was so mad. i was really bad at science too and got it bacjk up to a 89 just like a few weeks before the end and i had to cram and my dad was in the hospital and i was STILL RECOVERING from a cold AND on my period and all during that week obvi got cs on most tests so i ended the year with a freaking 88,.. anyway, i have to finbihs lang in the year two weeks or i get kicked out and ive been LOCKED OUT OF MY PROGRAM FOR A WEEK CAUSE MY MOM FORGOT SHE GOT A NEW CARD AND HAD TO SWITCH IT OVErrr,, and then i get another extension for math until august 7./// and then two weeks later i start school agaiun.. cant wait for my two week summer. im . violent. anyway its probs good i get depressed if im not in school lowkey so . just like seasonal depression cause the weahter sucks, cant go outside for long withou feeling awful, my outifts suck cause limited l
layering, i look like a bright red beautiful shining ruby if i go outiside more than five mins, UGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!! but this year my dad might get up more so maybe he can sit at the pool and i can swim, since this year for the first tinme in like two years i uhmm overcame the fact i felt like a harlot wearing a swimsuit and swam so yuppie.!!! i love swimming its so funnn!!!!!
i said crap the other day and my mom said i have NEVER heard that kind of LANGUAGE out of your MOUTH BEFORE young LADY she said the 𝓯 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 the other day btw i can go on scratch again idk if i told u that
i also said what the freak while paraphrasing what someone said and i also say #(whatever) sometimes which shows i know the internet exists and i acknowledged i know that kpop exists the other day too (related to a non murderous classmate of mine)
also the other day we were talking and i said the ethiopian language and she said amharic and i said yueah, thats the ethiopian language, and she was like call it by its proper name and i was like its amharic but its also. the ethiopian language. the language of ethiopia and she was like yeah but call it by its proper name and so i said ok ( her name) . her given name . 
she didnt talk to me for like three hours
i am thinking about submiting to a writing competition this year, as i have always wanted to, problem is, i HAVENT WRITTEN IN SO LONG ITS CRAZY. i think the trick is just to keep writing, im probs gonna do that, try to write for even just ten minutes per day, its also probs good for your brain too or smth idk… and i really love writing i just feel as though all my ideas are boring probs cause i also dont READ ENOUGH,,,… but even if i feel my ideas might be interesting i find i usually have plagerized… in my mind… probs cause i read like ONE BOOK A FREAKING MONTH… anyways i think the thing to start with is just a prompt!! i did that yesterday and wrote a little… quite like it. of course not for any competition (they usually have prompts tho, state/county ones at least), but to get back into the groove of writing i think it is not so bad… the inspiration will come later (i assume)
OMG !!!!!! i write like once every two months when i have an actual idea and everyone tells me it’s really good but the inspiration has not hit. the characters live rent-free in my head though i love my ocs
help I NEVER MAKE OCS when i write i dont consider them my ocs ,, i just consider them my characters… ive legit had ocs since i was like eight and ive been writing all that time, never considered the characters ocs and never written ab the ocs i did consider ocs cries real tears
whenever i open my computer it gives me sports results and i always check to see if its someone youve mentioned :3 it hasnt been for a while just baseball idk if you like baseball if so what teams so i may check how they are failing or perhaps not
the colorado rockies um but get ready for the worst baseball team imaginable they SUCK
why did my spotify just play the most pedophilic song which i have NEVER HEARD IN MY LIFE which sounds NOTHING SIMILIAR when i played the game by mary hopkin
had the most horrible conversation ever on roblox just now so bad i dont think i should even retell most of it but this person was obvs a predator and trying to get me hooked yet kept insulting my religion and saying i was too uptight (they made a suggestive joke and i didnt respond well lol)
and bee tee dubbs i wasnt just bringing up my religion out of the blue they asked me if i was having “love life troubles” (we were playing a silly little very chaotic therapists office game sorta thing where you come up with the most random stories you can think of and i just sat in the chair and said “idk” LOL but then they started like just going down the list of possible issues ig,,) and i was like no?? im thirteen and tehy were like so? and i was like its a sin in my religion??? and they were like damn. loser. cant get any. anyways like what religion?? and then started quizing me on christianity and also claiming they were catholic LOL
IM GONNA CRU I FAILED TO REALIZE YOU MADE THE WHOLE THING UP??????? THBIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY ANYWAY YOU SHOULD RELOAD A BIT UNTIL YOU FIND MINE
HELP HUHHHH YEAH NO I THOUGHT IT UP IN LIKE AN HOUR LMAO I DIDNT WANT TO READ MY ASSIGNED REAADING FOR TODAY
i made two actually one is about myself the other one i will not reveal to you until you find it
they randomly dm me sometimes, just to talk. NOBODY EVER DOES THAT OTHER THAN OCCASIONALLY SONNET. JUST TO TALk. TO ME.
they’re the prettiest person ever and they enjoy talking to me. ME. they don’t like like me i know they have a crush irl but AT LEAS TTHEY LIKE TALKING TO ME.
oh boy of all the online friends to get a crush on, in all the circumstances to get a crush on them in, it had to be them and this
theyre so pretty and funny and nice and amazing and i want to give them a hug and maaaaaaaaaybe a kiss. I AM GOING OUT OF MY MIND. IN A GOOD WAY AND A BAD WAY. SOMEHOW AT THE SAME TIME.