way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop

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aww, BIG BOWL OF SAUERKRAUT every single morning it was driving me crazy

i said to my mom i said “hey mom whats up with all the sauerkraut“

and my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train

and she leaned right next to me

and she said

IT’S GOOD FOR YOU!!!

and then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

thats when i swore that some day, some day i would get out of that basement and travel to a magical far away place

where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer

and the towels are oh so fluffy!

where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!!11

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