way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop
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and my dear, sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
and then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
thats when i swore that some day, some day i would get out of that basement and travel to a magical far away place
where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
and the towels are oh so fluffy!
where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!!11
wacka wacka doo-doo yeah
well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true, because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in leonard nimoy's butt.
…i was off by three, but i still won the grand prize. that's right, a first class one-way ticket to