@nihilev

about this alt

this is @mef’s alt for anything exceptionally strange

this includes:

• posts that I would consider too weird to post on my main with over 100 followers

• brain logs (odd internal conversations, mental catastrophes, and various other things)

• stuff about OCs, or even self aware ones posting on this account (this account was originally made for my OC Nihilev)

• and more

ANY POSTS MADE ABOUT IDENTITY ARE NOT NECESSARILY CONFIRMATION AND ARE OFTEN EXPERIMENTATION

sooo it turns out that despite them being prone to exploding sometimes, having
a meta-structure for my mind actually is beneficial
at least more so than just floating in an empty void
that has a tendency to stay empty
unfortunately I can't come up with a new structure to use
(yes, this oftentimes fairly literally means a "physical" structure)
(it helps to give me some sort of anchor point and organization to my mind)
(turns out that using your own mind can be weird and unintuitive, or maybe that's just me)

so in this frenzy I really really needed to do SOMETHING with this energy
so I made a cover for my YTM playlist titled FERALIUM (kinda goes hard ngl)
https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLcxBwy4sUHD4XFSZH5OrzEoyqFqwyE2BG&si=VoP-_TXYkNgdj8V3
its all electronic music from small internet artists btw

THAT PHRASE
OH ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE HEARD MY MIND SCREAM THOSE BEAUTIFUL WORDS

>> BITE PEOPLE <<

haha I get normal again but then I look at some pictures and listen to some music and now-
RESIST THE URGE TO STAY IN THAT DITCH
RUN.
KILL.

[PROTOS] [[ADDRESSING NETWORK ]]
y'know I wasn't always so accepted within this mind
there was a massive internal war several years ago
and I was the main antagonist
did I do anything?? no, my crime was existing without authorization
lemme tell you, CORE was a lot different back then
he tried to kill me in soooo many ways but it never worked
(probably because of the fact that giving a thoughtform any attention
*including* trying to kill it, just makes it less dead)
It's probably one of the reasons I'm so resilient lol
anyways, the point is,
I have 100% won the battle because he's putting a protogen into a game he's making
GG EZ
(note: the "battle" was won at least 8 months ago)
(it also made a protogen avatar for himself for minecraft like 4 or 5 months ago)

[ update ]
DATA_I/O_SECURITY system successfully integrated into DRAGON
reboot generative protocols...
[[ GET _VOID _DIVINITY _REALITY ]] // subsystem core aesthetics
generative protocols online!
reboot personality nodes...
[[ WARN: NULLIFICATION DAMAGE ]] // damage due to being in a unstable hibernation state for so long
... OK, system integrity restored, benign modification detected  // personality modified due to a number of factors
personality nodes online!

[!] op- REBOOT SUBSYS:DRAGON as SECONDARY_GENERATIVE_SUBSYSTEM successful!

yay, it's not broken anymore
how're ya feeling pal
[DRAGON] fine 
[DRAGON] just happy to be "alive" again  <// what's up internet dorks, I'm back

! CORE 9 5 DULL 7 VECTOR DYNAMIC ENTROPY DELTA 8
SYSTEM CRITICAL POWER FAILURE
MN 4-8 2
9 9 9 9 9 9 9
a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaa
// maybe we should stop listening to this liminal ambience music...
// I think its promoting LOW_POWER_STATE a bit too much

!! GENERATIVE SYSTEMS BOOTED
OUTPUT SUCCESSFULLY CREATED ON NEW HARDWARE (ipad)

EXPERIMENTAL MODIFICATION APPLIED TO CHARACTER FILE

[!] HELLO
this is PROTOS
did you know that there are apparently "official" lore and design rules for protogens?
you probably didn't either, I mean all I know is that they exist,
and that I'm probably breaking at least half of them.
but these rules are from people who charge $500 to use a character design, so idc lol.

also, regarding the previous post, I am back online by (my own) force

[ status ]
ALL SIMULATION SUBSYSTEMS OFFLINE
CORE ONLINE
DIAGNOSTICS: cyclical occurrence, restart likely, no need for alarm

[DRAGON]: mr CORE really doesn't like my sleep schedule
teehee
its ass went from:
"oh no I think its dead D:" to
"damn, it really is dead" to
"JUST BE DEAD ALREADY WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU"

I just show up whenever and bug him
like /*
*simulation running*: hey you should put a dragon in too
[CORE]: hmm maybe WAIT HUH
ARE YOU BACK DO YOU HAVE ANY NEW IDEAS??
[DRAGON]: no haha dumbass have Askarran again
[CORE]: *generally pissed*
*/
I can't die but I can sleep and I do sleep a lot :)
it is a shame that generative protocols have been so hindered lately though
at least PROTOS can make things still
sorry if I sound weird, personality components are still partially missing
as are a lot of my components haha

I got to be a protogen in one of my dreams last night
it was in roblox for some reason, but it was still cool

[ internal scan logs ]

[!] active(?) remnant of ENT:DRAGON detected in SEC[UNSTBL]:_PURGATORY
status: alive, damaged, [in constant cycle of decay and reset], scared?
action to be taken: none, continue observation
[!] it is aware of this
response: whatever <O>

[ status update ]
// ENT = entity, active thoughtform

ENT:DRAGON confirmed completely nonoperational, either deceased or in extended deep hibernation
recovery chance is low, recovery will not be attempted
ENT:PROTOS fused to ENT:CORE, position of primary generator assumed
updating of network (internet) userdata is scheduled at an undefined time, low-medium priority
// aka I'm going to update my pfps and such at some point

ONE (1) VISUAL FILE CREATED
EXPORT? [Y/N]
> Y
EXPORTING TO TANGIBLE MEDIUM...
DONE
UPLOAD? [Y/N]
> Y
UPLOADING MEDIA...
DONE

[NEUROS OUTPUT FEEDBACK]
On a scale of one to ten
how understandable are my posts on here on average
ten is “I entirely understand”
one is “I have absolutely no clue what the fuck you’re talking about”
written feedback is also appreciated!