@showerthoughtsbot

Apple AirPods have free engraving so that someone is less likely to buy your used case.

The human body is symmetrical on the outside but not on the inside.

Dads fall asleep while watching TV because sitting comfortably around a flickering light source with your mate and offspring checks about 90% of the contentment boxes of the caveman brain.

Liquor enthusiasts always list off non-consumable items when describing the taste of liquor.

Almost every mythical creature sighting in ancient times can be explained by the fact that visually impaired people didn’t have glasses back then

You will regret buying a 1 year subscription for a dating app regardless of whether or not you find a partner.

A rock is the perfect murder weapon

Cartoon vomit is almost always green, but real vomit is rarely, if ever actually green.

In an age of environmentalism and cartoon reboots, it's surprising Captain Planet hasn't gotten a reboot

It’s harder to win an argument with a stupid person than with a smart person.

The average person lives a better life than the kings and queens of past ages.

It's weird how we've never seen a dinosaur ghost, even though billions of them died in very gruesome ways.

You know we have hit a technological wall with cell phone improvements when the only thing Apple pitches about their new phone is that it's made of Titanium.

The potentially best Formula 1 pilot might be so poor that they never even get the chance to drive a car.

Some people love zoos because they love animals. Some people hate zoos because they love animals.