way back when i was just a little bitty boy livin in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop

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well now, who could that be?

i say "who is it?"

no answer.

"𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓽?"

there's no answer

"W̷̡̪͔̳̼̼͎͑̑͐̈́̒̾̂͋̕͠H̵̦͈̤̥̦͕̗͕̽̒̇͌̋̒͛̍̆̚͜͠͝͝O̸͙̪̍͛̐̌̈́͑̅͋̿̏ ̴̛̳̣̠̳̫̭͖͔̟̲̞͖͂͒́̾̀̆͋̑̏̂̓̒͜͠͠͝I̴̡̪͍͈͍̥̳͍͓͈̬͙̣̰͒̈͛̌̋̊̂̉͘ͅŜ̸̢̫̯͑͗̔̿͊̒̊͝ ̶̧̯̩̰̋Ì̴͓͔͖̘̹̟̘̤͖͚̼̠̌̏̉͐̎̕Ţ̵̨̪̜͓̱̝̪̯̣̗͍̻̥͇͐ͅ?̸̠͍̖̤̭͕̠̮̣̹̤͑̏̿̓̂̔̉͊̂̈́̈̿̍̎̈́͘͜͝!̴̨̗̖̖̹̰̖͙̥̬̭̀́̽͋͐̏̃̂̃̕͠?̴̢̡͉̙̞̝͈̗̹͍͎̘͕́̄̎̈̍́́̚͜͝͝"

they're not sayin' anything

so finally i go over and i open the door and just as i suspected

it's some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls haircut and only one nostril. oh man, i hate it when i’m right…

so anyway he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel and im like

“hey you cant have that

that snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me“

and he’s like “tough“

and i’m like “give it“

and he’s like “make me“

and i’m like “‘kay“

so i grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus and i bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows and i took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation

yes indeed, you better believe it

inhale

and somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook

and 20 seconds later i heard a familiar voice

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