getting a syrupy pawjob under the table at dennys and one of xer claws gets stuck in your urethra
my airpods are browner than my underwear 
airpods are great because i can be walking around campus nonchalant and mysterious while blasting pink pony club in my ears
pov: you hop on x to goon to videos, but your hb call you and start saying funny jokes so you lwk otp giggling with your meat out
sorry I've been inactive I was busy becoming a microcelebrity on the JID official app
I'm on a giant cruise ship for the first time and I swear this shit is like if a Vegas casino and a shopping mall had a baby that got dropped in the Atlantic Ocean
moms will religiously police the tv volume to be below 10 constantly and then plop down on the couch and load up a 400 decibel facebook video on their phone
why could I not get into wasteof for like a week I lost so many hilarious post ideas
“in nyc we hate tourists, they're so obnoxious! why would you ever come to this shithole” - just moved into a jersey suburb an hour and a half from the city
“yeah i don't really mind the tourists, you get used to them” - has spent 40 years living in manhattan