sorry for the abruptness, but i gotta disappear from the internet for a few weeks to take care of some irl obligations that were scheduled before this election even happened. here’s what that means election-wise:
in the event that me/late are crowned the winners of the election following vote verification, @late has agreed to temporarily assume the presidency and share our victory speech on my behalf until i’m back, then we can do a real inauguration later or something idk how you guys want to handle this
and in the event that we lose, @late will share our concession speech and we’ll all… uh… move on with our lives i guess
either way, try not to burn the place down while i’m gone!
My fellow wasters of money,
The part of me that likes organizing meaningless data kind of wants to make a spreadsheet tracking how many votes have been cast and for whom. But the other part of me doesn’t want to be accused of having a conflict of interest. Which is a fair accusation.
Anyways, I’ll release part IV of my official manifesto of promises and stuff soon. And to address recent accusations - yes, a vote for me is a vote for short.
…a short line to the free and unlimited waffles, that is.
and to add insult to injury, that’s not even kiwi, that’s my identical twin known as “picture.png” who wasn’t supposed to be invited to my campaign and got kicked off of air force one after trying to sneak in
we… don’t speak much after the incident
you just photoshopped kiwi onto your own photo of you falling down stairs. it was nice knowing you slander people over your own mistakes in life.
Did you guys see this? Is this who you want as your president? A man who cannot even walk without stumbling? How would he hold wasteof without stumbling. I, TallPeter, would never fall thanks to my long legs and amazing athleticness. #StandUpOrStandDown #PeterDert2025
…and with that, the cabinet is complete! Vote for us, and we’ll continue to make wasteof meet or exceed the minimum acceptable standard.
Kiwi 2025: A (potential) Government of Greatness
Featuring the following cool people as your (potential) Government of Greatness:
“@kiwi" – President
“@late” – Vice President
“@engineerrunner” – Secretary of State and Propaganda
“@toaks” – Treasurer
“@eris” – Defense
“@esben” – Attorney General
“@souple” – Agriculture
“@the-owlsss” – Commerce
“@chester” – National Intelligence
“@radi8” - Health
“@da-ta” - Design
“@wynd” - Housing
“@luckythecat” - Transportation
“@cheesewhisk3rs” - Energy
“@thrat” – Education
“@salad” – Homeland Security
“@noodle” – United Nations
“@mybearworld” – Chief Executive Chef
“@oren” - Foreign Affairs
“@wastedonion” - Town Crier
“@joseph-stalin” - Head of Soviet Russia
“@waffles” - Waffle Distribution
“@rayne” - Weather Service
“@-gr” - Hatch Department
“@jeffalo” – King
more hints
heavy emphasis on the “logged in with github”
the account was created last week
i accidentally created an alt account by logging in with github a while back
first person to find it gets to be the head of the (currently hypothetical) Kiwi-Late administration’s housing department
it’s true!
worth mentioning that speaking on the lesser news outlet cnn wasn’t fun, they don’t know how to truly do journalism like wastedonion does
Daily Election Update: Today, wasteof users found out who their candidates were, what they stand for, and just how fucked they are if this is the best we’ve got.
Updates from the campaign trail:
At his first rally, Oren shared details of his plan to create a secret police that will kill anyone who causes drama on the platform, going on to claim the killings will be done by Agent 47.
Speaking on lesser news outlet CNN, Kiwi pledged free Waffle House fights live streamed from The Crack House lawn by building a Waffle House directly facing the Oval Office.
Posting on wasteof, The-Owlsss said “a vote for me is a vote and that vote can go towards me so please vote for me with your vote because you can vote for me so please vote for me.”
TallPeter has pledged at a rally that they will make users shorter than 10 feet be legally required to be chairs for other users that are taller than 10 feet.
Elsie was seen dancing to Creep by Radiohead at a 2 hour Q&A forum without uttering a word before walking off stage.
V1 has promised via a post on wasteof that they will make users “eat, sleep and shit quarters.”
Pufferfish101007 has pledged to make all wasteof users eat cat food on Mondays no matter how much they cry or plead for mercy.
SixFourLu says they will expand the nation's cheese caves into all of your available orifices.
WannaBeRose called us ugly and it didn’t hurt our feelings. Not at all! Our investors say we’re pretty!
i accidentally created an alt account by logging in with github a while back
first person to find it gets to be the head of the (currently hypothetical) Kiwi-Late administration’s housing department
the kiwi late discrimination has been corrected!
VOTE UNDER THIS POST BY Monday, July 7th 2025.
One vote per person (including if you’re running), no changing your vote (unless your choice gets disqualified)
You can vote for the following candidates:
@wannaberose for President, @salad for Vice President
@oren for President, @grunklebillsback for Vice President
@the-owlsss for President, @radi8 for Vice President
@pufferfish101007 for President, @grahamsh for Vice President
nah the kiwi late discrimination is insane 
VOTE UNDER THIS POST BY Monday, July 7th 2025.
One vote per person (including if you’re running), no changing your vote (unless your choice gets disqualified)
You can vote for the following candidates:
@wannaberose for President, @salad for Vice President
@oren for President, @grunklebillsback for Vice President
@the-owlsss for President, @radi8 for Vice President
@pufferfish101007 for President, @grahamsh for Vice President
oh my gosh.. i just found out about what oren did.. click here to see why oren is not who you think they are
i accidentally have the same idea as blaze and suddenly i’m accused of plagiarism 
can’t we just all get along and agree that society needs free, easy, universal, and convenient access to breakfast foods?
Just wanna gauge the room real quick - do you guys think it’s unfair for @leaks to be my nomination for Secretary of State? And if so, who do you think I should nominate for that position instead?