“hey, you can’t kill me! murder is illegal!” i said thinkingly
"ah, but we live in murdertown,” said the murderman, before he used his murderous murder powers to murder me murderingly
sometimes i kinda forget that elon musk even renamed twitter in the first place
like the old name has so much staying power that wikipedia still uses the old name for its article’s title just because that’s almost universally accepted as the more recognizable name, i don’t think i’ve seen something like that happen before (at least not for going on three years now)
SPECIAL REPORT FROM THE CRACK HOUSE
You may recall that when I was elected president, I was committed to implementing roughly 28 presidential promises over the course of my administration. Unlike some real politicians, I’m a man of my word, so here we go:
The KiwiLate Food Department has installed extremely nutritious parmesean cheese generators, which will not only power factories, but also feed the hungry. Feel free to sprinkle some over your free waffles, I won’t judge. I mean, I will, but you won’t hear me judging you.
After selling 1 cent KiwiLate-branded waffles, all the proceeds have gone to the KiwiLate Think Tank, where a bunch of people sit around a table and decide the most effective ways to waste money. So we blew all the proceeds on ingredients to make more 1 cent KiwiLate-branded waffles. Revolutionary!
A few months ago, @9999 requested that every single wasteof user receive two “dollar.jpeg” images to do whatever you please with. To receive your two dollar.jpeg images, please ask in this post’s comment section and you shall receive.
You can like posts by tapping the little heart button below, but not everyone has those - like lawyers and business executives, for example. So consider this our official petition: @jeffalo can u pls change the heart to a
and also can it be a 
on thursdays ok thx bye
It looks like the dreaded character count has struck again. Maybe by our next post, Late will have drawn that worm with sunglasses playing the saxophone. Til next time!
Releasing The TallPeter Files - Phase 1
You may recall that a little while ago, I asked you, the people of wasteof, if I should release these files apparently addressed to TallPeter that I found under my desk. I gave the citizens the option to either release the files in the interest of transparency, or to burn them and then go after whoever wrote them.
The people have spoken, and it appears that the former is the preferred option. So, at long last, here is the cover of the TallPeter Files.
Unfortunately, whoever wrote them used some kind of irreversible censoring technique. The KiwiLate Military is in the process of decrypting the purged text - we’ll get back to you on that soon.
Phase 1 appears to be some kind of shopping list for various items, with varying levels of legality.
Now do not be deceived - we are not releasing these files to defame TallPeter. In fact, quite the opposite - we believe these files were written by an unrelated third party to frame him for being tall - which he was, so what was the point? We also believe this author is connected to TallPeter’s murderer. Releasing these files is an act of revenge on our part.
That is the entirety of Phase 1, unfortunately. The good news is, there’s more phases to come, so tracking down who shot TallPeter is not a cold case just yet. We’ll be sharing more info in the coming days - as soon as we figure out how to decipher whatever cryptic language Phase 2 was written in.
president’s log of australia: day 17
starting to run out of things to say so i might just start sharing random unrelated images i had saved on my phone
president’s log of australia: day 16
i keep buying vinyl records online for me to unbox when i get home oops
was considering buying a turntable here, but bringing it home/dealing with the voltage being different would have been unnecessarily complicated
president’s log of australia: day 15
don’t think that carrot big because carrot big leaf because small leaf carrot big not leaf big size
can’t wait for hollywood to take all the wrong notes from kpop demon hunters and make ripoffs with names like “edm ghost killers” and “soul spirit slashers” and “soft rock succubus pursuers”
fun fact: me and @leaks first met on a dark and stormy night on january 7, 1977, when i went to a local pizza place and asked for a refill on my soda
the pizza guy said they were all out of soda, then leaks showed up and said “Can confirm they are not out of soda”, and we’ve been best friends ever since
source: trust me bro
president’s log of australia: day 13
went to the zoo the other day
they said there would be penguins, but unfortunately there were no penguins
there were some monkeys though, they were pretty cool
my review of tron: ares
the color red showed up a lot and that was pretty cool i think, 4 stars
president’s log of australia: day 12
seeing tron ares tonight, i’m a fan of the previous one so i hope i like this one too
president’s log of australia: day 12
seeing tron ares tonight, i’m a fan of the previous one so i hope i like this one too
dwane the rock johnson as burrito
m0istcritikal as noodles
andrew garfield as the CEO of Lidl
tom scott as auriali
j g quintel as esben
nicholas cage as leaks
the wasteof.money movie (2026)
an epic political drama about the never-ending fight to allow the common moneywaster their fair share of waffles and autism
starring the following overused actors:
chris pratt as king @jeffalo (obviously)
adam sandler as president @kiwi (he will say a ton of things that will leave the audience wondering if that was supposed to be a joke, in other words it’ll be business as usual)
jack black as vice president @late, who will say all your favorite late lines (“i… am late”, “this… is appel”, “first we late, then we theidiot. let’s latetheidiot!”, etc)
awkwafina as the @wastedonion (like the entire corporation, not just one reporter, oh also she’ll have a musical segment where we all get to listen to her grating voice for two minutes and we all have to hope they’ll skip it on the soundtrack vinyl release)
hatsune miku as @ilovetimhortons (don’t think any further details are necessary)
budget will be $150,000,000, but most of that will be allocated to giving the crew members free double quarter pounder with cheese combo meals
actual movie and marketing budget will be 10 cents and a dream
film will be released unrated, not because it’s inappropriate or anything, but because the MPA didn’t want to slog through this
in theaters nowhere!! soon!!! but not really! i hope not!! i don’t wanna commit to the bit this much but i may have dug a grave for myself by making this post so i might have to lie in it now!
The wasteof.money Movie will NOT be released on June 12, 2026.
…but if someone wants to prove me wrong for once, I won’t stop you.