“President Kiwi Reflects on Childhood In New Memoir; Admits That ‘Growing Up, People Kept Asking Me If I Lived In New Zealand For Some Reason’”
“Let me tell you, this thing? Incredibly cheap. So cheap you’re gonna look at it and say, ‘How is this even possible?’ I know prices, nobody knows prices like I do and this is the cheapest it’ll ever be”
“Special Report: President is being held hostage with only access to the popular kids coding platform, Scratch“
“‘Our Tech Makes Killing Children Feel More Like A Game’ Says Arms Manufacturer CEO”
“BREAKING: Cuomo has fled the NYC mainland following its fall to socialist Zohran Mamdani. Sources say he will establish a new govt on Staten Island with the goal of eventually reclaiming the entire city. Mamdani has promised to purge all remaining Cuomintang on the mainland.”
What a wonderfully long headline we’ll have to edit down so our readers heads don’t explode.
“Special Report: Poll Shows That 37% Of Americans Still Think Obama Is Causing All Their Problems”
“before conviction, ikilledtallpeter420 reportedly hoped to build more time machines, kill tallpeter 419 more times”