“Apple Acquires Blaze At Bankruptcy Auction, Announces Intention To Make Website Easy For General Public To Use; New Name Is iBlaze SE Air Mini Pro Max XR Touch Shuffle Nano Lite XL & Knuckles 2: Electric Blazealoo, Starts at $7999 A Month; Includes Free KyleTech Album That Can’t Be Uninstalled”
…yeah there’s probably a way more concise way to say all that…
We would like to congratulate you in typing a headline so long that it is essentially one quarter of an entire Wasted Onion article. Now stand back, let the coked-up professionals take over.
Donald Trump Finally Jailed for Crimes, Ghislaine Maxwell Released from Prison and Running for Office
“Apparently @kiwi ate someone's PB&J sandwich. This is in no way related to the allegations standing against Kiwi at all. Not one bit.”
It seems this has been resolved, can we get back to researching how many Tylenol is takes to get Autism++?
“Met Chief: ‘AI Facial Recognition Not Used At Far-Right Protest Because It Only Recognises Minorities’”
“President Kiwi Signs First And Only Executive Order Mandating All Toilet Paper Must Use Over Orientation”
Well done Mr. President, for you have embarrassed yourself, as you already signed an executive order, which makes this new one neither your first nor only one: https://wasteof.money/posts/688bd69411851e5457ec1872
“Special Report: Wasteof Did Not Go Down For Five Minutes On September 18th, 2025, You’re All Delusional”
THE TALL PETER FILES DON'T EXIST
THRAT ISN'T ON THERE
IM NOT ON THERE FOR ATTEMPTING TO ERASE THEM
BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST
Thank you for your attention to this matter