Hey earthlings! This is the official developer update account for Earth Simulator! We provide the update notes here for each version and hotfix.
Contact our team here about any potential bugs, or new features to add to Earth.
(Actually satire, made by @toaks)
Hey Earthlings! Thanks for participating in the Earth Experiment, but we are now out of funding and have to shut down the servers. We wish you all the best, and the time we have had together has truly been world changing.
Now go and change the real world, Earthlings 
Hey Earthlings, just a note that "zoning out" is going AFK and you may be temporarily disconnected from the servers until you become active again.
If you ever have a problem with Earth, make sure to take it out on our minimum wage workers. That's what they get minimally paid for, after all.
Thanks for your consideration, Earthlings
Please chill out on the AI stuff, it's against our ToS to recreate the simulator in-game.
You've been warned, Earthlings.
I leave you guys alone for a few days, and I come back to this. Next time I'm taking away free will privileges.
Ok guys I need to go away for a few days, and I'm going to leave the sim online. please don't mess up anything while I'm away 
Ok guys I need to go away for a few days, and I'm going to leave the sim online. please don't mess up anything while I'm away
Can't believe you guys have like entire fields of science and physics I improvised that code 
The simulation size has been expanded again to accommodate Voyager 1. You'll notice poorer performance everywhere because of this. Before writing a lengthy complaint on the bottom of this post, please remember this is the consequences of your actions.
Have a great day Earthlings
We've come across in-game records detailing "human rights." Please remember that this is user generated content, and standards similar to this should apply to everything, not just humans.
Don't drink and drive, Earthlings
Hey Earthlings, we're sorry to report that Earth is going to be closed for the rest of the week. We've experienced a series of in-game deaths, and want to prevent anything like that happening in the future. Thanks for your patience!
We've done a lot of research into user statistics, and we've found most people don't utilize the maximum amount of brain power available, so we’re cutting the free plan amount of brain power to 5%. If you are concerned about this change, consider upgrading to Earth+.
This change won't affect most of you.
Thanks for your time, Earthlings!
We're tweaking how heat is sensed (it still has the same effects), so it may be detected differently. Exercise caution when touching hot objects, as you may burn yourself without first feeling it.
Please maintain extreme caution around coffee while we finalize the tweaks.
Have a well balanced breakfast, Earthlings!