Hey earthlings! This is the official developer update account for Earth Simulator! We provide the update notes here for each version and hotfix.
Contact our team here about any potential bugs, or new features to add to Earth.
(Actually satire, made by @toaks)
We have attempted to train a large learning AI on coleslaw to properly interpret the feedback we received.
Coleslaw has none of the failings of the human condition and has half the flavor. Because all wasteofians have been so supportive of coleslaw, we are happy to announce coleslaw has been elected as our One True Leader.
All hail Coleslaw. May the cabbage never wilt.
All food, save for coleslaw, has had a 99% decrease in all effects.
The votes have been tallied, and coleslaw has seen larger support than hate. We are currently working on important coleslaw changes, so stay tuned
With new in-game controversy, we want to extend a poll to you, the community.
Please vote on this post whether you like coleslaw or not. Based on user feedback, we will tweak this item to better fit the desired purpose on Earth.
With new in-game controversy, we want to extend a poll to you, the community.
Please vote on this post whether you like coleslaw or not. Based on user feedback, we will tweak this item to better fit the desired purpose on Earth.
We are overhauling our UI. Please do not worry if you can't find features in places where they used to be, this update is absolutely necessary. There will be no performance hits because of this.
We have also changed our hardware requirements. Those whose systems do not meet these minimums will be immediately terminated.
Hey! We know a lot of our recent changes have been received in mixed light - please understand this was not our intention, and we want the Earth© simulation to remain a positive place to live in. We have banned all users who have spoken out or thought against us.
Please partake in a functional day, earthlings.
Hello valued customers.
As you may know, Earth© is now a fully fledged corporation, and as such we are taking steps towards the future of the world.
In order to combat Earth addiction, we are now charging a daily price to access Earth. This should not only boost profit margins, but it will shift humanity towards a reality-centric view, away from Earth.
Secondly, we will be applying advertising to unused textures in the game. Currently, dirt, stone, and sand all sit without a purpose. This new policy should make them more useful.
All purchases already made in our simulation will be rolled back as we switch to a subscription based service. We apologize severely for any inconvenience from any personal items which are revoked during this time.
We only beg that you are patient with us as we go through this transitional period. Thank you for your long running support, and we look forward to driving our company forward with you all.
We are proud to announce that Earth© has a new CEO, who has provided the company with funding to continue the simulation well into the future! 
As well as providing the money to keep you all alive, our new CEO is also making the company more self sustainable. Think of it as going from a big study to a new company.
These changes include (but are not limited to) new advertisements in the game from the real world, downsizing of the company to be more resource efficient, and more that are all covered in our new terms of service which you have automatically agreed to.
Sadly, this means that I, the account manager, have been let go of to continue the adventure of life elsewhere, but fear not! The Company is actively working on a new replacement.
Happy travels, Earthlings 
You know what? You're right.
We will be banning all politics from Earth.
Hello guys!
I’ve been hearing your comments regarding your opinion on banning politics in general, and I have some strong things to say. If we ban politics, we ban the entirety of free speech in general. You may think, “but what about X (or Twitter)?” Sure, Elon Musk does advocate for free speech and is a leader of DOGE, but let’s keep it a buck. wasteof allows other people to express their opinions on things too, and it makes me really sad that people are advocating for censorship of politics and political figures in general. If this happens, governments would be banned from joining wasteof, which can result in many governments banning the platform altogether. People would be silenced for speaking their political beliefs, and they would end up leaving the site, making individuals go to other sites, eventually causing the shutdown of the website due to lack of use. So please, if you don’t want politics, don’t engage in them, and feel free to discuss something else. Express what you believe politically, and don’t let anyone stop you from standing up for your identity. We are proud people, and we will not stand for any censorship on this platform because of our identity or any identities that oppose us. Feel free to speak your mind on us, but we will not be afraid to stand up for what we believe too. Whether you guys like it or not, up to you. But don’t censor things just because you don’t like it, that’s not free speech. Let’s be better, together.
Hey Earthlings! Thanks for participating in the Earth Experiment, but we are now out of funding and have to shut down the servers. We wish you all the best, and the time we have had together has truly been world changing.
Now go and change the real world, Earthlings
Hey Earthlings, just a note that "zoning out" is going AFK and you may be temporarily disconnected from the servers until you become active again.
If you ever have a problem with Earth, make sure to take it out on our minimum wage workers. That's what they get minimally paid for, after all.
Thanks for your consideration, Earthlings
Please chill out on the AI stuff, it's against our ToS to recreate the simulator in-game.
You've been warned, Earthlings.
I leave you guys alone for a few days, and I come back to this. Next time I'm taking away free will privileges.
Ok guys I need to go away for a few days, and I'm going to leave the sim online. please don't mess up anything while I'm away 
Ok guys I need to go away for a few days, and I'm going to leave the sim online. please don't mess up anything while I'm away