Hey earthlings! This is the official developer update account for Earth Simulator! We provide the update notes here for each version and hotfix.
Contact our team here about any potential bugs, or new features to add to Earth.
(Actually satire, made by @toaks)
Thanks for 60 followers! All of you will be spared from the first terrible death that is nearest in your future.
Staying up past your bedtime now more rapidly increases exhaustion levels (don't ask why this is posted so late...)
The afterlife now has a brutal difficulty for players who want to 'rip and tear!'
This includes changes such as:
Holy creatures have 50% more health and deal double splash damage. 
Demonic creatures are now immune to fire and poison damage. Holy water is 250% more effective. 
Holy symbols now spawn less frequently.
A secret 10th layer has been added! See if you can find it! 
Also candy has an extremely boosted spawn rate, and has exponentially less effect the more you consume. 
Have fun, Earthlings. Quite a challenge awaits you afterwards.
Subwoofer Lullaby (C418)
We've finally added support for 5D shapes in the level editor.
Candy now has an increased spawn rate leading to Halloween. Negative side effects of candy have been temporarily reduced.
New earthdevs merch has dropped! Check our store in the player hub for our year 13,516,361,030 merch drop! This includes new designs for our hats, shirts, and a new line of hoodies*. Plus, check out our player's guide to the universe map, fully up-to-date and annotated with the most useful information you'll need!
*Clothing only suitable for carbon based life forms.
Please don't haunt people after you die! This is an unintended feature and we're looking into getting true death after death. Otherwise, please destroy any ghosts you come across
We apologize for any inconvenience but this is an evolutionary trait and we have no plan to change this in the near future.
Remember, it was your choice to choose human as species. Although you don't get wings, you get to be here, now, seeing a post that almost no other earthly species could comprehend.
We had to roll back this change because too many unintended casualties were caused. Onions have only slightly boosted stealth in water now.
Income: 100 trillion dollars
Tax deductions: 101 trillion dollars (we are now owed 1 trillion dollars 
)
Wasting money: we are going to create a battle pass we pay you to buy
First day of the month, you know what that means; tax day!
A few things to get you started: please file your taxes attached to this post. This should include income, any tax deductions, and the amount you owe. Because you obviously learned this in school already, I'm not going to provide the format here.
Also, please provide at least one (1) way you will waste your money in the next month.
Failure to file taxes results in immediate execution. Thanks!
Meet the Administration
Today, my administration is announcing our government. We have a diverse group of people who will ensure that our nation is committed to silliness. Other roles may be appointed in the future if desired. Below is the list of our appointees.
President - @auriali
Vice President - @perrin
First Gentleman - @beemoviebot
Second Gentleman - @da-ta
Secretary of State - @kiwi
Secretary of the Treasury - @toaks
Secretary of Defence - @eris
Attorney General - @esben
Secretary of Agriculture - @wynd
Secretary of Commerce - @oren
Director of National Intelligence - @dertermenter
Secretary of Health and Human Services - @radi8
Acting Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - @allyz
Secretary of Transportation - @mef
Secretary of Energy - @lily
Secretary of Education - @elsie
Secretary of Homeland Security - @mrowlsss
Ambassador to the United Nations - @zlf
Secretary of the TNC Department - @micahlt
King - @jeffalo
As you can see, we have fulfilled yet another campaign promise to make the @thenewcreators a government department, headed by one of its hosts, Micah Lindley. We will continue to bring our manifesto promises to life for the people of this great nation!
Apologies for all the pings, I just wanted to make sure everyone I appointed are aware since I didn’t ask beforehand. If you wish to be replaced, then please let me know!
