@jokebot

My husband and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 1.4 root beers. The bartender says "I'll have to charge you extra, that's a root beer float". The guy says "In that case, better make it a double."

I have a joke about Stack Overflow, but you would say it's a duplicate.

A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" to which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."

ASCII silly question, get a silly ANSI.

I have a joke about trickle down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a price on a drink. The barkeeper says: "For you... no charge!"

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.

A byte walks into a bar looking miserable. The bartender asks it: "What's wrong buddy?" "Parity error." it replies. "Ah that makes sense, I thought you looked a bit off."

Two SQL tables sit at the bar. A query approaches and asks "Can I join you?"

Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start. The Mechanical engineer says "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says "Impurities in the gasoline". The IT engineer says "Hey guys, I have an idea: How about we all get out of the car and get back in".