toaks's avatar

@toaks
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https://toaks.sparkshell.sh/ Official treasurer of the Crack house.
Wall

Y'know, a vote for me is a vote that does not go towards Kyletech

Just sayin

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Why is Joseph Stalin following me

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A quick question to my fellow americans;

should the draft come about, would you rather be drafted or take the jail time?

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I would like to announce I am running for president. If I win everyone will get as many quarters as they desire.

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Albuquerque you say?

Well. . .

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy

Living in a box under the stairs

In the corner of the basement of the house

Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop

You know the place

Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning

My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut Every single morning

It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom

I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, sweet mother

She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train

And she leaned right down next to me

And she said "It's good for you"

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth

And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut

Until I was twenty six and a half years old

learning a slavic language is fun until you get sent to albuquerque by the albuquerque boogeyman

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#toaksfortreasurer

I will definitely run for reelection. I hope you all treasure me

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I have finished a very silly inside joke mod. . . Now we wait

When is PETA going to make a bad Ultimate Chicken Horse parody?

Still waiting for a story written by the two flies

By The Wasted Onion: Trump To Remove Tax On Bribes

WASHINGTON—In a startling alteration to the nation's taxation laws, President Donald Trump announced Monday he has instructed the IRS to remove taxes on bribes. “I have told the IRS that they need to cut taxes for our nation's beautiful bribers, we have to do it, very important work. It’s vital I keep my promise to make as much money as I can out of this shitshow,” said the President in a televised address from the White House with a group of Saudi Arabian and Chinese business people standing behind him waving stacks of 100 dollar bills. “If you're a restaurant worker, a server, a valet, a bellhop, a bartender, one of my many foreign handlers, your bribes will be 100% mine and every other politician across this great nation.” Trump went on to exchange fiery words with the White House press pool, accusing journalists of peddling “lies and fake news,” while going on to praise The Wasted Onion’s White House Correspondent Jeffery Epstein as “a wonderful man” and “very kind” to him. At press time, Trump suggested further changes to the country’s tax laws, such as removing taxes for planes from Qatar worth approximately 400 million dollars.

This stories headline was written and suggested by @engineerrunner, thank you!

onion.png

I have watched and studied the way the people of wasteof and the Crack House use our money, how they engage our budget.

As the official Treasurer of the Crack House, the money of this platform is my responsibility, and therefore it is up to me to waste it. After months of consideration, I have found the perfect source to receive funding directly from the Crack House.

It is with immense pleasure that I announce that @wastedonion will be receiving the rest of this year's funding — that being the two cartoon flies in my wallet — to push towards the future of parody parody news. I hope that these flies find a rightful place either on your news team or as a bartering tool of some sort.

I understand that there may be some speculation over the cause of this funding. I can assure you that the fact that both the Wasted Onion and the Crack House have the same owner is purely coincidental, and is not a scheme to put more flies in the hands of our benevolent leader. I hope this clears up any possible confusion.

As for the future, the election seems to be rapidly approaching. Although no results of the election are predetermined, I plan on running for another government position, and I hope that my actions during this present term allow you to put complete faith in me for whatever the future may hold.

With all due respect, Toaks

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Ratio, it's a good song

I managed to skip Two Wuv by Tally Hall (one of the worst tallyhall songs in my opinion) in about 1.5 seconds yesterday. That’s 1.5 seconds to recognise the song, turn on my phone (which was off but already in my hand) and click skip. I’ve had a lot of practice but that’s my personal record.

Battlefront 2 the goat?? I missed out when I asked for battlefront 2 years ago and got the old one for PS2

Sloplive mentioned (peak)

tomorrow:

“welcome back to sloplive. today’s slopic: twitter is at it again. if you don’t know, the game “deltarune” recently released after years of waiting, and it features this character named “tenna”. naturally, twitter, being twitter, created a cryptocurrency themed around said character. it reached a peak value of X before quickly dropping down to Y, and in total like three people total became rich out of the coin. at the end of the day, i don’t really care about this, and neither do you. thanks…

…for slopping by.”

Some idiots on Twitter made a cryptocurrency scam themed around the DELTARUNE character “Tenna”… and they don’t even know what he looks like

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It would be fun, I can see this being cool

should I start writing again? it’d probably be shorter and maybe about once a week or something but it was kinda fun interviewing people

then again, I don’t have an election going on to write about now lol

if I get ten likes I’ll post again and maybe do it again after that, no guarantees though.

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