Shout-out to library systems. They serve a noble cause.
Shout-out to the word spontaneous, I always forget that it's the word for it's meaning but it's a damn good word
Petition to have Jeffalo just turn the server off at night
By The Wasted Onion: President Kiwi Signs Executive Order Requiring Jeffalo To Apply Duct Tape To Ethernet Cable Keeping Wasteof Server Online
THE INTERNET—Writing his name onto the document in the presence of aids and the press inside The Crack House, wasteof President Kiwi signed an executive order Thursday requiring King Jeffalo to apply duct tape to keep the ethernet cable secured to the new wasteof server, preventing another outage. “Enough is enough, this nation has been banished to the shadow realm of the internet far too many times since it was moved to the new server. This executive order will require King Jeffalo to use some damn duct tape to keep the ethernet cable holding the very fabric of the nation together so you may all continue to post your nonsense at all hours of the day,” said President Kiwi to the press pool moments after signing the order. “If this executive order fails, we do have more options, we might order that Jeffalo has to hold the cable in at all times, but that might be torture, I haven’t asked the UN, nor do I think they’ll respond. But if all else fails we’ll order Jeffalo to just glue the damn thing in.” Eyewitness accounts indicated that in the minutes after the executive order was signed, Jeffalo was seen sprinting to the server located in his home, with onlookers describing the wasteof owner as “sweating a fuck ton.” At press time, the wasteof server had yet again went offline, this time due to Jeffalo’s sweat short circuiting the server itself.
This stories headline was written and suggested by @kiwi, thank you!
Soo. . . You handle money for the Crack House, too? Should we, like, form a partnership to tax the people? 
Dear my fellow Wasteofers,
As your head of commerce, I have made the tough decision enforce a new law (of which I definitely have the power to do, trust).
Starting from this day (July 30th, 2025) forward, you are now legally required to have a permit to purchase anything and everything, regardless of the source.
You can buy an application form from the Crack House (probably). Permits expire 256 days after one has been granted.
I finished all of Steven Universe (show, movie, Future) and damn it is so good. I highly recommend it to anyone who has emotions 
Never got the chance to post about it with the servers down, but I got the Don't Tap the Glass vinyl! The album is very good, and though I am a little sad that it's not a concept album every song on it rocks!
Waiting for someone to make evilaffalo who just posts evil versions of @jeffalo 's posts
Weird, small wasteof android bug that's been around for. . . Ever; buttons (links, profiles, comments) don't work until you scroll from the very top of the page
Thanks!
@ministry_of_truth is endorsed by Super Earth and the legions of Helldivers who serve to protect it. The Super Earth Ministry of Truth has been here long before your foul claims on this soil.
@ministryoftruth is officially endorsed by the Secretary of Propaganda.
From this day onward, people in the way of truth will not find their fate appealing.
There can be only one
There can be only democracy!
As the cabinet of our current administration has been finalized, I am happy to say I once again can be wildly irresponsible with our great country's budget.
As my first action as treasurer, I am rehiring those two flies from the @wastedonion as our tax collectors. These flies shall visit all users eventually, taxing however they feel right.
Now, as for the two nickels we have left, those are getting put into a savings account with a compound interest of 3% every year, yo eventually amass a great sum of money.
Finally, I want to address public funding. Last year, we funded projects which were worthwhile or silly, or sometimes in-between. This year, all projects will receive full funding. However, should your project be disliked by the community, all funding shall be cut until the end of the term of our great president @kiwi.
From the desk of the money man,
Toaks
Just wanted to let you know
I am right in the middle of production on my first animation, an ULTRAKILL and JJK crossover. You can see the development of it on my Bluesky (@sirtoaks), but as for an update here: I am about 50-60% done.
I'm trying to make it, y'know, good quality, but it's my first time really using any sort of animation workflow in a serious capacity. I have a few more shots to finish, a bunch of hand-drawn effects to finish, and then sound design. It'll probably be out by the end of the week on my YouTube (also @sirtoaks)
I've also been plotting an animated series, but that's not close to production yet. . .