The Official Wasteof.money Department of Transportation account
Welcome to Wasteof’s official account for our DOT, run by @luckythecat, the current secretary of transportation!
This account will post updates to laws and regulations surrounding Wasteof’s transportation, as well as any other related happenings.
while this account is run by @luckythecat, it can be treated as a separate and impartial entity from her. Please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions, concerns, questions, suggestions, gripes, jokes, questions, threats, or comments!
profile picture and banner mostly by @luckythecat
The Department of Transportation has funded @president @kiwi’s vacation! happy travels, Mr. President!
we also funded the helicopters that rescued him and the battleship, the USS Beta.
pay your taxes.
- Wasteof Department of Transportation
FINALE: PART 2/2
STRAIGHT FROM PRESIDENT KIWI: “WE GET TO VISIT THE ISLAND AFTER ALL!”
News on the @kiwi situation today comes from the helicopter which rescued Kiwi, along with @toaks and @adventuremase, only minutes ago. All of them, including Toaks, are reportedly in good health after climbing through a volcano. What a shame. Kiwi commented on his rescue; “We get to visit the island after all!” When asked to elaborate, Kiwi claimed to be good friends with “the guy every president knows, right? We all know Jeff. He’s chill like that. Where did you think I was going with the guy who embezzles funds and the serial killer?” This reporter is disappointed to hear that there is only one serial killer among this party, since it seemed pretty clear Toaks should join that group. I also wish good luck to Kiwi on his extended vacation.
hello everyone! if you remember, the Wasteof Department of Transportation sent a few helicopters and ships to rescue President Kiwi, Adventuremase, and Toaks. we encountered several storms on the way, but thankfully the island is now in sight! Unfortunately we have bad cell service here. And there’s no roads! imagine that, no roads!?!?!? what would you do without your beloved Department of Transportation? i’ll tell you: you’d die twice like Mr. President!
Anyway we sent five of the helicopters up to the peak of the island to try to find the survivors but it got dark and we got lazy so they came back to our ships and we had a big party to celebrate FINALLY getting there.
Hopefully we will rescue the president and his company soon.
- Wasteof Department of Transportation
The Department of Transportation has sent a rescue team to rescue any survivors. We’ll bring a coffin along. and a few extra helicopters. You never know what might happen with kiwi. hopefully we’ll rescue @toaks and @adventuremase. More updates soon.
- Wasteof Department of Transportation
PRESIDENT KIWI “WHOOPSIES” OFF SHEER CLIFF FACE AND DIES
Early today, we received a second radio message from the survivors of the presidential plane crash. It contains grim news. According to the professional killer @adventuremase, our great president @kiwi “had a little whoopsie-daisy and just so happened to fall hundreds of feet down a cliff. We didn’t confirm he died but I mean c’mon.” Now, this reporter usually does not give opinions on matters such as these. However, I believe the implications of this are obvious: @toaks killed the president.
The Wasteof Department of Transportation would like to mention that when Kiwi’s plane, Air Force 1, crashed, it was NOT above wasteof airspace. Our roads, skies, and seas are completely safe! Happy Travels!
- Wasteof Department of Transportation
PRESIDENT KIWI MISSING IN ACTION
Late last night, disaster struck our great president @kiwi. Shortly after departing the airport on a charity trip with the national treasurer @toaks and the executive executioner @adventuremase, communication with the president’s plane stopped. Reports from shortly before communications cut suggests Toaks may have attempted to take control of the plane, with the intention of performing “a triple backwards barrelroll,” and immediately crashed the plane. We are currently working to re-establish communication with any survivors.
the Wasteof Department of Transportation would like to announce some new changes that will be coming to road systems near you.
These include (but are not limited to):
The yellow lines on roads will be repainted in varying shades of blue.
We are partnering with the British DfT and the Canadian CTA in building a road across the Atlantic Ocean that will connect New York City, New York, USA, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, and Southern England. It is hoped that this intercontinental bridge system will boost tourism in Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, and Southwest England. We are also partnering with various private companies to provide lodging, gas, and retail stores that will be needed for the 2000 mile long bridge. Suggestions for bridge names would be appreciated.
We are now instituting a $500+ fine for breaking DOT windows. A similar fine is pending, for graffitiing complaints on DOT walls. If you have complaints, please go to the WDOT website or comment on the WDOT account wall. Thank you.
To kickstart my position as Head of the Wasteof Department of Transportation, I would like to introduce Wasteof Departmental Anthems, or WDAs. The Wasteof Department of Transportation is proud to announce that our anthem is now Life is a Highway, specifically the version from Cars™ by Rascal Flatts. Links to the song are below.
https://open.spotify.com/track/5gB2IrxOCX2j9bMnHKP38i
https://music.apple.com/us/album/life-is-a-highway/1440667439?i=144
- @luckythecat, Department Head
no funding for us??
ATTENTION WASTEOFIANS
ANYONE WHO CRASHES A VEHICLE INTO THIS MAN’S OFFICE WILL RECEIVE FULL REPAYMENT FOR ANY DAMAGES TO THEIR VEHICLE AS WELL AS $1000 EXTRA (MORE IF ITS A TRUCK)
I have watched and studied the way the people of wasteof and the Crack House use our money, how they engage our budget.
As the official Treasurer of the Crack House, the money of this platform is my responsibility, and therefore it is up to me to waste it. After months of consideration, I have found the perfect source to receive funding directly from the Crack House.
It is with immense pleasure that I announce that @wastedonion will be receiving the rest of this year's funding — that being the two cartoon flies in my wallet — to push towards the future of parody parody news. I hope that these flies find a rightful place either on your news team or as a bartering tool of some sort.
I understand that there may be some speculation over the cause of this funding. I can assure you that the fact that both the Wasted Onion and the Crack House have the same owner is purely coincidental, and is not a scheme to put more flies in the hands of our benevolent leader. I hope this clears up any possible confusion.
As for the future, the election seems to be rapidly approaching. Although no results of the election are predetermined, I plan on running for another government position, and I hope that my actions during this present term allow you to put complete faith in me for whatever the future may hold.
With all due respect, Toaks
NO ALIENS
NO ALIENS ALLOWED ON THE ROADS
STOP
YOU CAN’T BE ON OUR ROADS
OUR BEAUTIFUL ROADS
STOP IT
LEAVE
NO ALIENS
NO
GO AWAY
OUR ROADS ARE NOT FOR YOU ALIENS
WITH YOUR BIG GREEN HEADS
AND YOUR GLEEP GLORPS AND UFOS
STOP!!
GO AWAY ALIENS
ALIENS ARE NOT ALLOWED ON OUR ROADS
NOTICE
With the recent rise in popularity of Shinies, we would like to make a public service announcement.
You MUST contact WDOT and get approval prior to transporting loads of over 0.01 Shinies.
Also, Shinies must be placed in a location where they are not a distraction to other drivers.
Leaded gasoline is no longer legal nor illegal, but rather a secret third thing where if you get caught using it you have to spin a random wheel of mystery.
What’s on the wheel? Use leaded gasoline and find out today!
The Official Wasteof.money Department of Transportation account
Welcome to Wasteof’s official account for our DOT, run by @luckythecat, the current secretary of transportation!
This account will post updates to laws and regulations surrounding Wasteof’s transportation, as well as any other related happenings.
while this account is run by @luckythecat, it can be treated as a separate and impartial entity from her. Please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions, concerns, questions, suggestions, gripes, jokes, questions, threats, or comments!
profile picture and banner mostly by @luckythecat