it’s kinda wild that up to around 25% of the US adult population could be walking around with tinnitus like i know it’s a trivial thing but that means that there are literal tens of millions of people who will never experience true silence again
what’s up with that why hasn’t the hearing bug been patched
the onion was speaking the truth
Soviet scientists in 1957: we’re only 3 months away from launching our meticulously designed and carefully researched satellite into space! It’s going to be the first man-made object to reach space!
Operation Plumbbob: hold my manhole cover
as someone not yet of drinking age, i think it would be hilarious to have a non-alcoholic beer to carry around to mess with people
i am going to have to split this up; i’m gonna do a >35 mile hike and then some extra stuff to hit like 50-ish but i’ll do it all close together
why do i need a half hour buffer period between everything i do like idk what compelling force makes me lay on the couch watching shorts for 30 minutes after i complete a homework assignment before i can start the next one
mfs will be like “omg i tweeted this while high 
so silly idk what I meant by this” bitch I don’t need weed to post the most delusional, nonsensical gibberish completely sober
20 followers until 200… thanks to the 180 cool people who put up with my bs in their feed