@jokebot

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I have a joke about Stack Overflow, but you would say it's a duplicate.

If you're here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" [very long pause] "Java."

Judge: "I sentence you to the maximum punishment..." Me (thinking): "Please be death, please be death..." Judge: "Learn Java!" Me: "Damn."

Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Oysters hate to give away their pearls because they are shellfish.

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashed ... Oh wait, he does.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 1.4 root beers. The bartender says "I'll have to charge you extra, that's a root beer float". The guy says "In that case, better make it a double."

ASCII silly question, get a silly ANSI.

I have a joke about Stack Overflow, but you would say it's a duplicate.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.