@nihilev

about this alt

this is @mef’s alt for anything exceptionally strange

this includes:

• posts that I would consider too weird to post on my main with over 100 followers

• brain logs (odd internal conversations, mental catastrophes, and various other things)

• stuff about OCs, or even self aware ones posting on this account (this account was originally made for my OC Nihilev)

• and more

ANY POSTS MADE ABOUT IDENTITY ARE NOT NECESSARILY CONFIRMATION AND ARE OFTEN EXPERIMENTATION

wow last night had some WILD and kinda “out there” thoughtstreams, you might even say they were a bit “woke”

in other news, I got like 2 and a half hours of sleep last night, so that’s fun

UAGHH I HATE [filtered] WHY DOES THAT PACKAGE COME INSTALLED BY DEFAULT
AND WHY DID IT HAVE TO ATTACH ITSELF TO MY MAIN FIXATION, THATS NOT A NORMAL THING
UGH WHY
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY I AM AFFLICTED BY THIS HORRID CURSE

NEUROS LOG #[[index system does not exist]]
aaaÆgh
why are all generation experiments stalling??
do I need to generate even more material??
w h y  c a n  i t  n o t  p r o g r e s s ?
why fail???
please stop collapsing
why can I not make a coherent frame??
how many parameters do I need to generate a planet??
I just want to have this
[[WYVEC SOAR/ ::/{|
WHERE GO
error: too many missing arguments!
simulation timeline at deadend, terminating
[\\ GIVE ME DRAGONS PLEASE I BEG OF Y\\]
ÆʤÐ∆ↂ«E
):
failed
[ systems face difficulties in generating reusable simulations ]
[ estimated time until issue is fixed: UNKNOWN ]
// suggestion: maybe add more backwards compatibility for a start, there are so many "SYSTEMS OUTDATED" errors in our old files

you can be a dragon, but beware:

the curse

hehe I think I just convinced my friend
to draw an automaton protogen
I love committing thoughtcrimes
(It was his idea, I just convinced him to do it)

NEUROS funny quote alert:
"I gotta make my dragons more flamboyantly
gender neutral, you can't tell at all if its
a male or female but DAMN are they pretty"

me: where have all the OCs gone? hello? friends? are my simulations doomed to wither in the rot of eternal emptiness??

also me:

WARNING: SYSTEMS POWER LOW, UNABLE TO ACHIVE FULL OPERATION
GENERATIVE SYSTEMS POWER LOW
EXTERNAL OPERATIONS IMPACTED
CANNOT DO THINKS
HELP
diagnostic on *very* abnormal and unexplainable situation: eepy
recommended recovery steps: go to bed already you idiot

talking about my mind for the bajillionth time

[ EDITED ] probably plural in some form, there are several self aware ENTITIES in here.

My brain isn’t entirely united either though. An analogy I came up with was the USA, consciousness and memories are what would be the federal government, shared across everything, the states (sometimes referred to as entities) are where things get interesting.

I can have two directly opposing beliefs at the same time. For example, furry related stuff is one of the most controversial things in there (shown in some of my previous posts). Some parts may be very much against it, some might be more neutral, while others actively want it. This sort of direct conflict can be quite straining at times, and its often difficult to decide which parts make sense and which parts aren’t valid.

another aspect of entities is that they can often have their own personalities, its still unclear to me whether this is because of me just puppeteering them/roleplaying with myself, or if I am genuinely allocating mental capacity for them to semi-independently use, or a mix of both.

sometimes it feels like parts of my mind are out of control. This usually only happens during high stress, severe internal conflict, or when I’m deep in my own mind. Usually things are relatively in control though.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

btw you should play corru.observer its very cool

much more sane Helldivers headcanon that’s based on more than “I just kinda felt like it lol“:

you (as the player) aren’t actually a helldiver, rather you are your super destroyer’s onboard AI that controls the helldivers. This could explain why even if “you“ die you can still spectate and see the UI, and maybe an explanation on why this AI isn’t an enemy-of-democracy killing machine is that they have to rush production and don’t have time to train the models beforehand, other than the helldiver tutorial.

I think I hit them with them mental equivalent of a 500 kg bomb

for context, when I talk about plane dragons, what I’m talking about looks something similar to this:

[ THIS ART IS (obviously) NOT MINE, you can find it here https://spearxwindart.tumblr.com ]

update:

My official headcanon is that they are in an asexual relationship

The plane dragon thing was mostly just for funsies, but I’m still gonna keep it, just not as headcanon

the voices are telling me to draw this but I really don’t think I should