Really, my doctor said I’m developing dementia or something too?

Thank you citizen for your journalism, we will now happily accept our new overlords and ensure we are as cosy with them as possible to we can benefit from the masses suffering.

That’s a shame, what did you say? We forgot.

Mmm, delicious. What a feel good, uplifting story! Thank you for your news offering, we will gladly rip it out of your cold, dead hands and happily bastardise it to fuel our corporate expansion all over the globe.

Thank you for your on the ground journalism. Now go forth and get shot with a rubber bullet while we take your work and make money from it in our comfy beanbag chairs in our 100 story office.

“Kiwi ends world hunger, doesn’t end up on wasteof.money’s most trusted news source”

Thank you for your journalistic efforts. Now get out the way, we’re about to make it actually worth something.

Thank you for your contribution to our ever expanding empire comprising journalism and emerald mining manned by blind toddlers.

Thank you, we will use this with the utmost care, mauling it like a rabid dog with rabies.

Thank you for sharing your information with us. Now get the hell out of our offices before we call a security guard to throw you from the nearest window.

Thank you for your news donation, we will use this to further the human race down the slippery slope of complete and utter annihilation while also modifying your idea to make it even more capable of destabilising the fragile world we live in.

We’re happy to announce that we’ll be the sponsor for this wonderful and ethical new reality show.

We shall devour this headline like a delectable cheese board alongside a fine wine while we feed you the scraps of bread we found in our bread bin. You’re welcome, no need to thank us for gracing you with our presence.

Thank you for your obedience, news peasant.

Thank you for your contribution, now bow down to your journalistic overlords.

Thank you for your journalistic endeavours, we’ll take it from here. And by that we mean steal your reporting, turn it into a clickbait SEO-filled shit stain of an article that is riddled with ads like a deadly venom travelling through a person’s body.