By The Wasted Onion: Microsoft Reaches Record Breaking Sales Never Seen Before, Lowers Employee Wages Due To Lack Of Funds
REDMOND, WA—Touting the success the tech giant has had over the last financial quarter, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella said Friday that the company had reached record breaking sales before quickly announcing plans to lower employee wages due to insufficient funds. “I am proud to say that Microsoft has reached record sales that have never been seen before, thanks to our forward first approach with AI integration and continued success of our business-aligned products like M365, we’ve seen frankly fantastic sales, not in small part thanks to you, our employees. With that, I will make you aware that we’re cutting your wages by half since we are pretty strapped for cash,” said Mr. Nadella at an office party hosted inside the Windows makers headquarters. “Don’t worry, the money we save cutting your wages is going to go places as I’m happy to announce our plans to purchase Electronic Arts, adding to our portfolio at Xbox Games Studios, we have great plans, and already have laid out our 2-year roadmap to shutter the entirety of EA after the acquisition is complete.” At press time, reports from inside the company indicated employees were begging Copilot to let them go after Mr. Nadella locked the exit to the building to prevent anyone from striking or resigning due to the wage cuts.
This stories headline was written and suggested by @owl, thank you!
Same with the “shake to undo” that some virtual keyboards have
mfs must think you’re gonna start shaking if you make a minor mistake
whoever designed “shake to report a bug” ux pattern must think users just start violently convulsing when something breaks
Dear my fellow Wasteofers,
As your head of commerce, I have made the tough decision enforce a new law (of which I definitely have the power to do, trust).
Starting from this day (July 30th, 2025) forward, you are now legally required to have a permit to purchase anything and everything, regardless of the source.
You can buy an application form from the Crack House (probably). Permits expire 256 days after one has been granted.
I beat Solitaire for the first time
Only took me 550 moves and 31 minutes, basically a pro (also what is score? i got 892)
So apparently, there was a joke this morning that was wasteof.money/r/wasteof..
It lasted less than three hours, and I'd imagine a whole lot of people who wanted to participate weren't even awake yet (it ended at around 08:20 for me), so, uh, thanks?
Apparently Hollow Knight gets a lot easier when you realize you can heal yourself as long as you have enough white stuff in your ball
To be clear, I'm not much of a Hollow Knight fan (I've barely even started the game), but I just thought it was funny
Me and some other guy drew the lesbian and transgender flag behind Hornet and Lace kissing on rplace.live and some rando spent an hour manually removing each pixel of each flag lmaoo
Imagine being that dedicated to homophobia that you do all that and for what? Sad
Me and some other guy drew the lesbian and transgender flag behind Hornet and Lace kissing on rplace.live and some rando spent an hour manually removing each pixel of each flag lmaoo
Imagine being that dedicated to homophobia that you do all that and for what? Sad
I'm telling you now, I have plans that I cannot share with you right now because the haters will sabotage me.
I have plans, plans that I cannot share because the spoilers will ruin the essence of the surprise, but I have plans, big plans, massive plans are in place and by the end of the week they shall see fruition. . .
just saying it, keep an eye on my youtube in about a week (although I will post the link here), I have TREMENDOUS plans