Welcome to the official page of The Wasted Onion, The Only News Source. We post the most important and trustworthy journalism that shines light in the dark halls of power and asks the tough questions. They say “Democracy Dies in Darkness,” we say “Hey, We’ll Totally Trade You This Democracy That’s Collecting Dust in Our Attic for a $100 Amazon Gift Card.”
Find more kick-ass journalism at our website: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/
The Wasted Onion posts the best news story every weekday from The Onion and is run by @da-ta in ode to @onion by imadeanaccount.
ICYMI: Taylor Swift Spends Evening Editing Spreadsheet Ranking All Her Friendships
https://theonion.com/taylor-swift-spends-evening-editing-spreadsheet-ranking-all-her-friendships/
Pale Trump Boys Ask When They Can Stop Giving Uncle Elon Blood
https://theonion.com/pale-trump-boys-ask-when-they-can-stop-giving-uncle-elon-blood/
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
https://theonion.com/egg-companies-assure-customers-dozen-has-always-meant-9/
Prospective Car Buyer Takes SUV Out For Test Hit And Run
https://theonion.com/prospective-car-buyer-takes-suv-out-for-test-hit-and-run/
Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression
https://theonion.com/trump-says-recession-unfortunate-but-necessary-step-to-get-to-depression/
Via Hard Drive: Duolingo Owl Sent to Internment Camp For Teaching Americans Non-English Languages
ICYMI: Cop Posing As Underage Girl Online Falls In Love With Pedophile
https://theonion.com/cop-posing-as-underage-girl-online-falls-in-love-with-pedophile/
Cackling Hims CEO Threatens To Pull Switch Activating All World’s Erections At Once
Charli XCX Does Line Of Coke With 11-Year-Old Make-A-Wish Fan
https://theonion.com/charli-xcx-does-line-of-coke-with-11-year-old-make-a-wish-fan/
Congress All Groggy Today After Staying Up Past 8:30
https://theonion.com/congress-all-groggy-today-after-staying-up-past-830/
Elon Musk Begins Cabinet Meeting By Putting Index Finger Through Fly Of Pants
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-begins-cabinet-meeting-by-putting-index-finger-through-fly-of-pants/
Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run
https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-deploys-3000-u-s-troops-on-beer-run/
97th Academy Awards Special Report: ‘The Substance’ Snags Oscar For Best Goo
https://theonion.com/the-substance-snags-oscar-for-best-goo/
