Welcome to the official page of The Wasted Onion, The Only News Source. We post the most important and trustworthy journalism that shines light in the dark halls of power and asks the tough questions. They say “Democracy Dies in Darkness,” we say “Hey, We’ll Totally Trade You This Democracy That’s Collecting Dust in Our Attic for a $100 Amazon Gift Card.”
Find more kick-ass journalism at our website: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/
The Wasted Onion posts the best news story every weekday from The Onion and is run by @da-ta in ode to @onion by imadeanaccount.
By The Wasted Onion: Leaked Images Reveal macOS 28 With GNOME Desktop
CUPERTINO, CA—Causing immense shock among millions of users Wednesday, new screenshots leaked online from an early test build of macOS 28, referred to internally by Apple as "macOS Alcatraz," shows the operating system using a GNOME desktop environment.
Full article: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/posts/news/leaked-images-reveal-macos-28-with-gnome-desktop/
This stories headline was written and suggested by @juniperrr, thank you!
U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs
By The Wasted Onion: Leaked Images Reveal Windows 12 With KDE Plasma Desktop
REDMOND, WA—Leaving users and tech enthusiasts alike in shock Tuesday, new images leaked online from an unreleased developer build of the Windows operating system, dubbed "Windows 12" internally, currently features a KDE Plasma desktop environment.
Full article: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/posts/news/leaked-images-reveal-windows-12-with-kde-plasma-desktop/
This stories headline was written and suggested by @owl, thank you!
Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts
By The Wasted Onion: Paddington Bear Becomes UK Prime Minister
LONDON—Closing the door on Sir Keir Starmer's two-year premiership at 10 Downing Street Monday, Paddington Bear has been invited by His Majesty to form a government, becoming the seventh Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in ten years.
Full article: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/posts/news/paddington-bear-becomes-uk-prime-minister/
Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
https://theonion.com/trump-insists-frequent-naps-necessary-to-protect-u-s-interests-in-dreamland/
ICYMI: Paramedics Praised For Being Too Late To Save Lindsey Graham
https://theonion.com/paramedics-praised-for-being-too-late-to-save-lindsey-graham/
The Wasted Onion Magazine: Nigel Farage: Man Of The Rich People
Via The Hard Times: Donald Trump Accuses China of Shitting His Pants
https://thehardtimes.net/uncategorized/donald-trump-accuses-china-of-shitting-his-pants/
By The Wasted Onion: Count Binface Revealed To Be Oscar The Grouch
CLACTON, ENGLAND—Leaving shock waves after the release of a bombshell investigative report by lesser news outlet The Telegraph Friday, it has been revealed that Count Binface, a prospective candidate in the upcoming Clacton by-election, is in fact the famous Sesame Street character Oscar the Grouch.
Full article: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/posts/news/count-binface-revealed-to-be-oscar-the-grouch/
This stories headline was written and suggested by @toaks, thank you!
Bat-Wielding Christopher Nolan Confronts Man Using Bathroom During ‘The Odyssey’
https://theonion.com/bat-wielding-christopher-nolan-confronts-man-using-bathroom-during-the-odyssey/
By The Wasted Onion: North Korea Declares Itself Winner Of World Cup
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—Hailing its "glorious victory" Thursday, the Ministry of Physical Culture and Sports declared North Korea as the winner of the 2026 World Cup, despite the fact that Spain and Argentina are set to face each other in the final on Sunday.
Full article: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/posts/news/north-korea-declares-itself-winner-of-world-cup/
This stories headline was written and suggested by mysticallydesigns on Discord, thank you!
Public Begs Mitch McConnell To Stop Releasing Photos Of Himself
https://theonion.com/public-begs-mitch-mcconnell-to-stop-releasing-photos-of-himself/
By The Wasted Onion: International Criminal Court Vows To Dismantle Marco Rubio
THE HAGUE—Following the U.S. Secretary of State's comments on Monday vowing to dismantle the International Criminal Court "brick-by-brick," the court responded in a statement Wednesday announcing it would dismantle Marco Rubio "organ-by-organ" in response to the threats.
Full article: https://wastedonion.seanjw.com/posts/news/international-criminal-court-vows-to-dismantle-marco-rubio/
Barack Obama Pretends To Be Canadian While Traveling Abroad
https://theonion.com/barack-obama-pretends-to-be-canadian-while-traveling-abroad/
