“After shocking turn of events, Apple TV+ is discovered to have 46 monthly users, not 46 million.”
Oh thank goodness, we were worried he was real after learning that Jimmy Savile was real.
thought up one in light of the recent incident where the xbox exec fired everyone and told them to complain to an ai
“Tone-Deaf Xbox Exec Also Recommends Homeless People Just Buy A House”
We’re very concerned that Starmer may proscribe us as the greatest organisation ever. That is nowhere near as good as we are.
“Police Still Figuring Out Difference Between “Bob Vylan”, “Bobby Vylan” And “Bobbie Vylan””
Thanks dork, we will now take your idea and make it better because we are just so fucking good at this.
Finally, alcoholism 2.0, we can finally promote another way to destroy your life, we will be contacting our marketing firms immediately. Thank you for your contribution, now drink.
We will investigate as soon as we finish this delicious curry we got from a guy we beat up on the street.
"Community Concerned After Man Known For "Praising The Divine Light" of a Coca-Cola Vending Machine At 1 AM Mysteriously Disappears"
Hell may have frozen over but we will report through it all until there is no one left to report at, thank you for your contribution mortal.
Thank you for your contribution to our ever expanding empire where we will ensure you and your fellow slobbering losers are crushed under the weight of our profiteering.
Thank you weakling, we’re so happy you’ve offered a news sacrifice, you are worthy to remain in our beautiful, perfect, and divine church.