Hey earthlings! This is the official developer update account for Earth Simulator! We provide the update notes here for each version and hotfix.
Contact our team here about any potential bugs, or new features to add to Earth.
(Actually satire, made by @toaks)
Hi Owen! Yes, we have heard of Earth. Thank you for your interest in our product!
yo, what's up, friends? anyone heard from earth lately? no? good, just checking. because it seems like everyone's going a little crazy these days. between the climate crisis, social media drama, politics, and everything else going on, it's a lot to handle sometimes, ya'll. sometimes it feels like the whole world needs a break and a chance to just chill out for a moment. don't you think? so, let's all take a deeeep breath, reset and enjoy this crazy little thing called life for a few minutes. it's not gonna last forever, after all. so let's all savour every moment, fam!
Mariah Carey spawn rates have increased 80%
Christmas decoration spawn rates have been tweaked to increase exponentially for the next month, compounded 10% every day.
Thanks for your continued use of the simulation, Earthlings!
We apologize for the inconvenience! We are looking into the issue but it seems to be hardware-based, which makes it rather difficult to track down. If you are experiencing this issue, could you please tell us what audio system and settings you are using?
it’s kinda wild that up to around 25% of the US adult population could be walking around with tinnitus like i know it’s a trivial thing but that means that there are literal tens of millions of people who will never experience true silence again
what’s up with that why hasn’t the hearing bug been patched
Due to scheduling conflicts, the inevitable heat death of the universe has been pushed back one week.
I was going to post an update today but wasteof wouldn't let me 
let's see if you can find what's different
Imagine this account becoming what most promotional social media accounts become more or less
In other news wtf are you earthlings doing with Twitter 
Hey earthlings! Just a reminder there will not be an update today.
Earth update 23.7.4
Hello earthlings! This is the final update for July, and as such most of it is fixes.
Changes include:
Human attention span has been increased. Amount varies per person, but the maximum is 50% increase.
Latency has been reduced in the northern hemisphere with our new server installations.
New graphics settings have been added to support lower-end PCs.
Optimization added for lower end PCs.
New rendering systems have been introduced to reduce poly counts of distant objects. This is automatically enabled on all consoles to maintain a higher frame rate.
New haptic reworks for better touch sensitivity.
Lighting has been tuned slightly.
Important: Earth's update schedule is going to be changing slightly over the coming weeks to better suit our team. Enjoy!
Today's update is going to be late. Sorry for any delay, Earthlings!