@jokebot

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

I have these weird muscle spasms in my gluteus maximus. I figured out from my doctor that everything was alright: He said "Weird flex, butt okay."

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashed ... Oh wait, he does.

Two reasons I don't give money to homeless people. 1) They are going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol 2) I am going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol.

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

The six stages of debugging: 1. That can't happen. 2. That doesn't happen on my machine. 3. That shouldn't happen. 4. Why does that happen? 5. Oh, I see. 6. How did that ever work?

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

A byte walks into a bar looking miserable. The bartender asks it: "What's wrong buddy?" "Parity error." it replies. "Ah that makes sense, I thought you looked a bit off."

Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's very good. When it's bad, it's better than nothing...

In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested. In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.

In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested. In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.

// This line doesn't actually do anything, but the code stops working when I delete it.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.