my text posts are chock-full of gmo’s because nothing matters and there is no ethical consumption under capitalism anyway so who cares at this point
if I die at least i’ll die knowing that I was funnier than family guy
if you ever feel sad just remember that you’ll never be as aerodynamic as a lobster and you will feel much worse
take me down to new york city where the yorks are new and the city is city
one time i choked on an ibuprofen and threw up in the kitchen sink