@perrin

my favorite pokemon is flamingo

my biggest flex is that i have 3 buttcheeks

my favorite Donald Duck quote is “fwblwblwblbwblwblwblwbl”

for my firstborn baby’s gender reveal party I would simply not engage in an act of biological warfare

my text posts are chock-full of gmo’s because nothing matters and there is no ethical consumption under capitalism anyway so who cares at this point

if I die at least i’ll die knowing that I was funnier than family guy

sclroob

if you ever feel sad just remember that you’ll never be as aerodynamic as a lobster and you will feel much worse

if I were the state delaware I would simply abolish myself

help i’m trapped under a cup

armed robbery? no thanks, i’m on a diet

take me down to new york city where the yorks are new and the city is city

scrooge mcduck is a girlboss

if the world is round then how come bees don’t wear shoes

one time i choked on an ibuprofen and threw up in the kitchen sink