@thrat

By The Wasted Onion: Political Wasteof Fan Accounts Taken To Live Peaceful Drama-Free Life On Farm Upstate

DIXON, MO—Making a strongly worded statement on a recent policy change, wasteof owner Jeffalo announced Tuesday morning that accounts cheerleading political parties and economic philosophies will be taken to live a peaceful drama-free life on a farm upstate. “We’re now sending political sock puppet accounts to a beautiful, picturesque farm in Missouri so that they may find inner peace,” said the post in part. “I have found refuge in this PATRIOTIC scenery to escape the clutches of the WOKE MOB!” The owner of the Republicans account said in a letter written in crayon to The Wasted Onion. In another letter, the owner of the Democrats account stated that “I am so happy being here, I haven’t had to listen to losers explain why sending bombs used on Gaza was a bad look, RESULT!” According to reports, the owner of the socialism account had taken up knitting, sharing the means of production with others on the farm and selling items to visitors. At press time, further reports suggested the owner of the capitalism account had begun efforts to privatise the farms knitted goods business, writing in a letter that they wished to create a “company that wins on its merits in the marketplace,” while announcing a monthly subscription service that gives consumers legal permission to wear the garments purchased on the farm.

This story was suggested by @engineerrunner, thank you!