Shout-out to library systems. They serve a noble cause.
Shout-out to the word spontaneous, I always forget that it's the word for it's meaning but it's a damn good word
Albuquerque you say?
Well. . .
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut Every single morning
It was driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old
learning a slavic language is fun until you get sent to albuquerque by the albuquerque boogeyman
Still waiting for a story written by the two flies
By The Wasted Onion: Trump To Remove Tax On Bribes
WASHINGTON—In a startling alteration to the nation's taxation laws, President Donald Trump announced Monday he has instructed the IRS to remove taxes on bribes. “I have told the IRS that they need to cut taxes for our nation's beautiful bribers, we have to do it, very important work. It’s vital I keep my promise to make as much money as I can out of this shitshow,” said the President in a televised address from the White House with a group of Saudi Arabian and Chinese business people standing behind him waving stacks of 100 dollar bills. “If you're a restaurant worker, a server, a valet, a bellhop, a bartender, one of my many foreign handlers, your bribes will be 100% mine and every other politician across this great nation.” Trump went on to exchange fiery words with the White House press pool, accusing journalists of peddling “lies and fake news,” while going on to praise The Wasted Onion’s White House Correspondent Jeffery Epstein as “a wonderful man” and “very kind” to him. At press time, Trump suggested further changes to the country’s tax laws, such as removing taxes for planes from Qatar worth approximately 400 million dollars.
This stories headline was written and suggested by @engineerrunner, thank you!
I have watched and studied the way the people of wasteof and the Crack House use our money, how they engage our budget.
As the official Treasurer of the Crack House, the money of this platform is my responsibility, and therefore it is up to me to waste it. After months of consideration, I have found the perfect source to receive funding directly from the Crack House.
It is with immense pleasure that I announce that @wastedonion will be receiving the rest of this year's funding — that being the two cartoon flies in my wallet — to push towards the future of parody parody news. I hope that these flies find a rightful place either on your news team or as a bartering tool of some sort.
I understand that there may be some speculation over the cause of this funding. I can assure you that the fact that both the Wasted Onion and the Crack House have the same owner is purely coincidental, and is not a scheme to put more flies in the hands of our benevolent leader. I hope this clears up any possible confusion.
As for the future, the election seems to be rapidly approaching. Although no results of the election are predetermined, I plan on running for another government position, and I hope that my actions during this present term allow you to put complete faith in me for whatever the future may hold.
With all due respect, Toaks
Ratio, it's a good song
I managed to skip Two Wuv by Tally Hall (one of the worst tallyhall songs in my opinion) in about 1.5 seconds yesterday. That’s 1.5 seconds to recognise the song, turn on my phone (which was off but already in my hand) and click skip. I’ve had a lot of practice but that’s my personal record.
Battlefront 2 the goat?? I missed out when I asked for battlefront 2 years ago and got the old one for PS2
Sloplive mentioned (peak)
tomorrow:
“welcome back to sloplive. today’s slopic: twitter is at it again. if you don’t know, the game “deltarune” recently released after years of waiting, and it features this character named “tenna”. naturally, twitter, being twitter, created a cryptocurrency themed around said character. it reached a peak value of X before quickly dropping down to Y, and in total like three people total became rich out of the coin. at the end of the day, i don’t really care about this, and neither do you. thanks…
…for slopping by.”
Some idiots on Twitter made a cryptocurrency scam themed around the DELTARUNE character “Tenna”… and they don’t even know what he looks like
It would be fun, I can see this being cool
should I start writing again? it’d probably be shorter and maybe about once a week or something but it was kinda fun interviewing people
then again, I don’t have an election going on to write about now lol
if I get ten likes I’ll post again and maybe do it again after that, no guarantees though.
Nevada City is in California
Remember, there is often a deep connection between improper caloric intake and bad moods
Citation: me (trust me bro)