Welcome to the official page of The Wasted Onion, The Only News Source. We post the most important and trustworthy journalism that shines light in the dark halls of power and asks the tough questions. They say “Democracy Dies in Darkness”, we say “Hey, We’ll Totally Trade You This Democracy That’s Collecting Dust in Our Attic for a $100 Amazon Gift Card”.
The Wasted Onion posts the best news story every weekday from The Onion and is run by @da-ta in ode to @onion by imadeanaccount.
From The Archives: RFK Jr. Vows To Ban Soaps That Smell So Good You Eat A Little
https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-vows-to-ban-soaps-that-smell-so-good-you-eat-a-little/
From The Archives: Forward-Thinking CEO Hoping Company Can Capture New Audience By Making Product Worse In Every Conceivable Way
https://theonion.com/forward-thinking-ceo-hoping-company-can-capture-new-aud-1846058985/
Area Man Forges Ahead In Pursuit Of Numbness With Third Slice Of Pie
https://theonion.com/area-man-forges-ahead-in-pursuit-of-numbness-with-third-slice-of-pie/
Trump Claims God Spared Him In Airplane Crash
https://theonion.com/trump-claims-god-spared-him-in-airplane-crash/
We Must Protect The First Amendment At All Costs vs. No Thanks, I’ll Just Take My Freedoms For Granted Until They Disappear
Pentagon Warns China Developing Love, The Greatest Weapon Of All
https://theonion.com/pentagon-warns-china-developing-love-the-greatest-weapon-of-all/
ICYMI: Elon Musk Holds Up AI Girlfriend App So She Can See
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-holds-up-ai-girlfriend-app-so-she-can-see/
ICYMI: Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade
https://theonion.com/biden-in-critical-condition-after-sticking-tongue-in-marine-one-chopper-blade/
Bored Kylie Jenner Feigns Smile As Timothée Chalamet Continues Playing Harmonica
Surgeon General Recommends Adding Cancer Warning To All Nuclear Bombs
https://theonion.com/surgeon-general-recommends-adding-cancer-warning-to-all-nuclear-bombs/
Conservative Outraged Tampons Available In Men’s Grocery Stores
https://theonion.com/conservative-outraged-tampons-available-in-mens-grocery-stores/
Alarming Study Finds Only 1 In 4 Americans Can Get A Motherfuckin’ ‘Hell Yeah’
https://theonion.com/alarming-study-finds-only-1-in-4-americans-can-get-a-motherfuckin-hell-yeah/
Confused Trump Autographs Swearing-In Bible Before Handing It Back To Justice Roberts
Welcome to the official page of The Wasted Onion, The Only News Source. We post the most important and trustworthy journalism that shines light in the dark halls of power and asks the tough questions. They say “Democracy Dies in Darkness”, we say “Hey, We’ll Totally Trade You This Democracy That’s Collecting Dust in Our Attic for a $100 Amazon Gift Card”.
The Wasted Onion posts the best news story every weekday from The Onion and is run by @da-ta in ode to @onion by imadeanaccount.