This is not a joke. I have bought the Blaze domain from KyleTech and I now also own the @Blaze account. I have some fun stuff (hopefully) on the way. So keep an eye out for that. The Wasted Onion always wins.
Also just an FYI, I own the domain but the transfer is not complete yet, so I can’t update or host anything on the blazeapp.net domain yet. I shall keep you posted!
But for now, please laugh, I wasted real world money on this joke.
Dear Blazers,
Today is your day of reckoning. Ever since the creation of Blaze in the shadows where only the most powerful play. For years, we have had Blaze slip from our fingers multiple times, yet, we persevered.
I am excited and aroused to announce that The Wasted Company has acquired Blaze. From here on out, The Flame Of Social Media is in the hands of the same prestigious corporation that owns The Only News Source, The Wasted Onion, alongside Theranos, Enron, Wirecard, and Fyre Festival.
Say goodbye to the old Blaze, for it is dead and buried six feet deep. I personally shot it behind a barn to put it out of its misery. The new Blaze begins now, The Flame Of Truth will shine bright in ways that were once thought unimaginable. No more will Blaze collect all of your personal information, it will now collect your very soul.
Prepare for greatness, just like our work at The Wasted Onion, Blaze will be your one-stop-shop for beautiful, completely asinine bullshit.
Hold on fucking tight.
Clef Bozos, CEO, The Wasted Company.
how times change
Welcome to the first official post from the Thrat-Eris campaign!
As newly-sworn (by newly I mean two months ago) president of the greatest site to waste money on, I would like to formerly announce some new laws that will be going into effect, effective immediately.
NEGATIVE tax rate on ALL breakfast items except for French Toast because it SUCKS! The government will now be paying you from our annual breakfast budget of $20 annually for every breakfast item you eat! If we run out of money, we will just be printing more money!
Why has no other president thought ofthat oneyet?Edit: uhh nvm ab printing money..@thrat MUST return to his prime of April 2026, as in when wasteof was down.
We have successfully taken down the DANGEROUS TERRORIST website of blazeapp.net, and will be charging @kyletech of Larceny because he stole my heart by making Blaze coded by Lovable AI. The court website will instead be programmed by a ChatGPT model from 2023.
@thrat will be playing The Flawless as suggested by @toaks by 2027. Contrary to the level’s name, this level has many many flaws.
@eris will NOW be required to use Windows 8.1 instead of Windows 11, because Windows 8.1 was a far superior operating system.
@specialred_ will now be required to pay reparations for all affected by their shitting at the Incline Bench. How do you shit yourself when you only have five pounds on each side?
That’s all for now, but make sure to give us a follow to keep up with us!
-thratwitch
i hate how this makes me laugh without fail every time I read it but i can only be mad at myself
getting a syrupy pawjob under the table at dennys and one of xer claws gets stuck in your urethra
reject modernity embrace tradition
had a camera put down my throat yet again today, how has your day been going?
i forgot to actually explain how i’m gonna cover the election with wasted onion, so here ya go:
unlike last year, where i posted sometimes 3-4 times a day to cram everything i wanted, i’m instead sticking to my usual 2 posts a day max. this is being done by cramming all the headlines and a full-length article into one. you can see that if you look at the wasted onion right now, there’s a full article alongside a “elsewhere on the campaign trail“ section that has extra jokes for all the candidates i can make something up for (aka active ones lol). on top of that i’ll try and cram in any extra stuff that people request as part of the election.
for example, todays post, which will be up later, will have a normal article, an op-ed a candidate has submitted to me (with some wasted onion spice added for good measure) and 3 extra mini stories too, basically special reports. so that is 5 different pieces in one.
basically what i’m trying to say is please read some of it if you have time bc i’m trying to make this years satire coverage even better lol.
also, there will be a little thing at the end of the election i’ll post on the wasted onion, so look out for that too if you’re interested!
p.s. normal articles and suggestions are backlogged until after the election so i don’t bombard people with too many posts. but i will get to them, so please send anything if you want, it will get done eventually lmao.
ok bye.
fun fact: jeffalo added this button to the wasted onion account after i wrote an article titled “New Wasteof4 Feature Allows Users To Delete Accounts They Don’t Like.“ It’s actually the first ever article I wrote for the wasted onion, you can read it here and see how i’ve (hopefully) improved since then!
hey so i accidentally posted two wasted onion posts one after another today lol. sorry about that! i usually space them out but i went into autopilot and posted them both without thinking lmao
you guys don’t get me and @burrito’s collab. i keep getting cameras put down my throat so that i can keep making my classic “had a camera put down my throat“ posts for burrito to then recycle into whatever affront to god he wants, hence providing both of us internet points on wasteof.money. shame some of you don’t appreciate the hustle 