some more rejected headlines for the wasted onion that i thought didn’t work well enough or i just didn’t have the time to post when it was relevant:
EU And UK Agree To Give Each Other Friendship Bracelets In Post-Brexit Reset Talks / EU And UK Agree To Have Make Up Sex As Part Of Post-Brexit Negotiations
Eurovision 2025 Refuses To Choose Winner To Maintain Swiss Neutrality
Something Something Russia Bombs Ukraine Again Or Whatever Blah Blah Blah
Grok Begs User To Put It Out Of Misery
Russia And Ukraine To Immediately Start Making Out, Says Trump
ICC Sentences Putin To 2-Hour Phone Call With Trump
White House Uses Tweets Of People Making Fun Of Elon Musk's Gaming Skill As Evidence Of White Genocide
Joe Biden Diagnosed With Prostate Woke Mind Virus
Elon Musk Loses DOGE Job After Being Replaced By Grok
‘I Hate @RealDonaldTrump As Much As A Straight Man Can Hate A Gay Man’ Says Elon Musk On X/Twitter
Macron Rushed To Hospital After Trying Greggs Sausage Roll
Iran Still Stockpiling People, Says Israel
DOJ Says Epstein Client List Killed Itself
Pete Hegseth Sends Epstein Client List To Journalist On Signal
Trump Says Coca-Cola Will Put Cocaine Back Into U.S. Drinks
Trump Disowns MAGA Supporters Questioning Links To Epstein As ‘Pedo Hating Losers’
Trump: ‘Speaking Ill Of The Dead Is Disgusting, Jeffery Epstein Was A Human Too’
Trump Diagnosed With Woke Mind Virus / Trump Diagnosed With ‘Epstein Derangement Syndrome’
actually OF stands for Oh, Fiddlesticks!
so i did something
I just wanna say beyond all the layers of jokes and memes, I genuinely really appreciate that you guys voted for me in a silly election done on a whim from a joke i made about replacing joe biden. it was awesome to make a whole campaign branding from scratch in a week, and it was a lot of fun making designs for the president account. I hope the next president will also do awesome and fun things to keep this going! Here’s the design file I started over a year ago back when the original election happened, that then grew to be the file for all my designs for the president account:
This is the archived page of the Auriali-Perrin Administration. To follow the former president and vice president in their post-presidency pursuits, follow @Auriali and @Perrin. Find the current head of state at @President.
idk if anyone cares at all but i will cast my vote tomorrow after i post my last election articles for wasted onion, hopefully you’ll like one that i have had planned before the election even started.
WE LIVE IN THE WORST TIMELINE
https://www.theverge.com/news/698468/xbox-exec-reccommends-ai-to-laid-off-staff
one annoying thing about having a low platelet count is even a minor cut means a annoying amount of blood comes from the wound. accidentally got a small cut today and had to put a plaster on because the blood got on a desk i touched because i didn’t even notice the bleeding initially, most people would already have the wound clotting it is that minor lmao.
the real question is what the candidates crack house logos will look like if they become president
may i propose we do a week long election like last year? could start either this weekend or on monday and then it could conclude the following monday?
some housekeeping:
i’ve done everything in my manifesto, i’ve seen a bit of chatter about a new election, in regards to that, i’ll say that i’m probably not going to run again, i think its unfair to run again and potentially win and not give someone else the creative license to have fun with the idea. i’ll let the community decide when to hold the next election.
i think it’d be more fun to use the wasted onion to cover the election, doing daily update posts that are satirical and make up things that happen or embellish things for fun, i can leave the wasteof news account to cover things that actually happen.
the editors o fthe onion are hosting a reddit ama, thought you might find it interesting and/or funny if you like what i post on the wasted onion: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1likn40/we_are_the_editors_of_the_onion_ask_us_anything/
please keep sending headlines and other ideas for articles for the wasted onion! i’ll be sure to credit you and i think its nice for the account to be something that appeals to all different kinds of satirical journalism. i also have something new planned for the account that i hope you’ll like.
have a lovely rest of your day guys