@auriali

serious post so please feel free to skip if you wish

something that really rubs me the wrong way is how people talk about autistic people. now i’m not autistic myself, but i am dyslexic (i’m not sure if that really counts as neurodivergent and i’ve always felt weird saying that, idk it feels minimising of people with other neuro-divergence like autistic people to me) and even i face a lot of assumptions that i’m incapable of reading or whatever, it’s annoying and belittling, especially when dyslexia makes you feel stupid on top of that. but the way folks talk about autistic people almost sees them as subhuman, as if they’re incapable of living meaningful lives and that its a travesty when someone is diagnosed as autistic. you see it a lot rn from america thanks to rfk jr (who i despise tbh), but even over here in the uk you have these anti-vax losers who would rather their kid get measles and risk serious health complications or death rather than being autistic (even though vaccines don’t cause autism). i hate how we see neurodivergent people as a failure, something to be corrected, its this idea that they are the weakest of our species and not just people who have brains that see the world differently. autistic people can and have done incredible things and i want them to thrive just as much as anyone else and i hate anyone, especially politicians, who see them as less valuable people just for being autistic, its disgusting and dehumanising.

the purge would be abolished so fast if everyone just committed tax evasion

I mean I can't do so myself but if I turn it into an article for the wasted onion jeffalo just might do it

ok in my defence i did not plan for any of this whatsoever, i didn’t know i could cause half of this stuff to happen i just kinda accidentally did it lmao. also my dictatorship is arguably way funnier and far less depressing than any irl dictatorships or authoritarians so yeah.

lmao

Saw @kiwi’s post today and now seems like a good time to ask you all how you’re feeling about @wastedonion? Is the post frequency OK? Do you find the articles I choose from The Onion funny or good choices? And how do you feel about the “By The Wasted Onion” posts that I write and make myself? Just to make it clear I write them myself, I don’t use any AI, I know my writing is kinda wonky and can come off a bit AI feeling. And is there anything you’d like to see more or less of on the account? And of course any further suggestions you might have, including article/headline ideas. Thanks!

can’t believe the woke mob have co-opted my favourite number since I was a small child; 8647

"UK gets nul points in Eurovision" is like a headline exclaiming "water is wet"

happy to announce i won’t be accepting a luxury plane from qatar

mainly because they have yet to offer me one

i have a few wasted onion headlines i didn’t think were good enough or i didn’t flesh out before they kinda became irrelevant, so here they are:

1. Trump And Biden Fall Asleep Together In Each Other’s Arms During Popes Funeral

2. White House Slams Amazon After Accidental Delivery Of Bottle Of Urine To Mar-A-Lago From Sleep Deprived Delivery Driver

3. UK Government Successfully Meets 2025 Target To Cut All Homeless People In Half

4. Lazy Motherfucker Da-ta Finally Makes A Goddamned Wasteof Post

5. New Pope Leo XIV Is Actually Virgo

6. Costco Founder To CEO: ‘Even If You Don't Raise The Effing Hot Dog, I Will Kill You.’

7. Kier Starmer To Be Cast As Headteacher Wagging His Finger While Teenage Boy Stabs His Female Classmates In Adolescence Season Two

8. JD Vance Releases Debut Kawaii Metal Album Under ‘DJ Vance’ Pseudonym

9. Glaswegian Invents New Language By Speaking A Little Faster Than Normal

10. Nintendo Pirates Grand Theft Auto VI

politics warning lmao

i endorse this meme, i even have one of my own to share

given what has happened today, i just wanna say that you should consider following @perrin, he’s a really funny guy who’s a very smart and compassionate person as well.

here’s a bonus wasted onion headline i wrote when all that dislike button and other stuff was added to wasteof4 for like 5 minutes. decided against posting it since when i woke up all the changes were already reverted and kinda ruined the joke lol