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By The Wasted Onion: Charlie Kirk To Start Debating 8-Year-Olds After Losing Too Many Debates To College Kids

PHOENIX, AZ—Standing stoically in a video posted to his X/Twitter account Friday, Turning Point USA Founder and President Charlie Kirk announced he will begin debating 8-year-olds after losing one too many debates against college-aged kids. “As you all know, the radical left has been brainwashing our greatest minds for years now, those being that of 8-year-olds. I plan to go into elementary schools across the nation and confront their liberal propaganda head on to undo the damage and let them see the truth that conservatism is the future America needs and deserves, especially after how my ass was handed to me by sleep deprived college students,” said Mr. Kirk in a video with an elementary school in the background. “I don’t think you understand the true danger of transgender ideology being pushed by the woke liberal mind virus in your school. Don’t you see the constant stream of transgenderism around you in this establishment?” said the political pundit to an 8-year-old staring blankly at him while asking when he can leave to play with his friends in the playground. At press time, Charlie Kirk was seen yelling at a group of second graders painting rainbows in art class that they were “liberal shills” before being escorted out by security.

This stories headline was written and suggested by @dertermenter, thank you!