kiwi's avatar

@kiwi
Beta tester

male, teenager
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kiwi's avatar @kiwi pinned to @kiwi's profile

at the end of the day, it is night

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

i realize i’m not joe biden so i’ll keep this short but update on my campaign:

i’m not withdrawing, but i am gonna stop taking this whole election thing as seriously as i was. i’m gonna knock it off with the retaliation posts, and i’m also going to stop using @leaks to repost everything.

vote for me, or don’t. what you really should do is vote for someone!

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

can’t wait for the dolan darkest video on this

“blaze situation is insane”

The reposted post was deleted
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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

there was supposed to be heavy emphasis on the “or exceed”, but you know what? you’re right

so vote for me, and we’ll make wasteof meet the maximum acceptable standard!

oren's avatar @oren

Do you want a site that just meets the minimum? Just barely scrapes by? With me as president, we can take wasteof to its full potential!! #votefororen

kiwi's avatar @kiwi

…and with that, the cabinet is complete! Vote for us, and we’ll continue to make wasteof meet or exceed the minimum acceptable standard.

kiwi's avatar @kiwi

Kiwi 2025: A (potential) Government of Greatness

Featuring the following cool people as your (potential) Government of Greatness:

  1. “@kiwi" – President

  2. “@late” – Vice President

  3. “@engineerrunner” – Secretary of State and Propaganda

  4. “@toaks” – Treasurer

  5. “@eris” – Defense

  6. “@esben” – Attorney General

  7. “@souple” – Agriculture

  8. “@owl” – Commerce

  9. “@chester” – National Intelligence

  10. “@radi8” - Health

  11. “@da-ta” - Design

  12. “@wynd” - Housing

  13. “@luckythecat” - Transportation

  14. “@cheesewhisk3rs” - Energy

  15. “@thrat” – Education

  16. “@salad” – Homeland Security

  17. “@noodle” – United Nations

  18. “@mybearworld” – Chief Executive Chef

  19. “@oren” - Foreign Affairs

  20. “@wastedonion” - Town Crier

  21. “@joseph-stalin” - Head of Soviet Russia

  22. “@waffles” - Waffle Distribution

  23. “@rayne” - Weather Service

  24. “@han” - Hatch Department

  25. “@jeffalo” – King

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

vote for someone who can win without randomly starting smear campaigns on other candidates! vote for kiwi 🗣️

mybearworld's avatar @mybearworld

the election so far, i think

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

we got an entire country on wasteof before gta 6

canada's avatar @canada

this account is not associated with the Government of Canada in any way.

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

My fellow wasters of money,

The part of me that likes organizing meaningless data kind of wants to make a spreadsheet tracking how many votes have been cast and for whom. But the other part of me doesn’t want to be accused of having a conflict of interest. Which is a fair accusation.

Anyways, I’ll release part IV of my official manifesto of promises and stuff soon. And to address recent accusations - yes, a vote for me is a vote for short.

…a short line to the free and unlimited waffles, that is.

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

and to add insult to injury, that’s not even kiwi, that’s my identical twin known as “picture.png” who wasn’t supposed to be invited to my campaign and got kicked off of air force one after trying to sneak in

we… don’t speak much after the incident

late's avatar @late

you just photoshopped kiwi onto your own photo of you falling down stairs. it was nice knowing you slander people over your own mistakes in life.

tallpeter's avatar @tallpeter

Did you guys see this? Is this who you want as your president? A man who cannot even walk without stumbling? How would he hold wasteof without stumbling. I, TallPeter, would never fall thanks to my long legs and amazing athleticness. #StandUpOrStandDown #PeterDert2025

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

…and with that, the cabinet is complete! Vote for us, and we’ll continue to make wasteof meet or exceed the minimum acceptable standard.

kiwi's avatar @kiwi

Kiwi 2025: A (potential) Government of Greatness

Featuring the following cool people as your (potential) Government of Greatness:

  1. “@kiwi" – President

  2. “@late” – Vice President

  3. “@engineerrunner” – Secretary of State and Propaganda

  4. “@toaks” – Treasurer

  5. “@eris” – Defense

  6. “@esben” – Attorney General

  7. “@souple” – Agriculture

  8. “@owl” – Commerce

  9. “@chester” – National Intelligence

  10. “@radi8” - Health

  11. “@da-ta” - Design

  12. “@wynd” - Housing

  13. “@luckythecat” - Transportation

  14. “@cheesewhisk3rs” - Energy

  15. “@thrat” – Education

  16. “@salad” – Homeland Security

  17. “@noodle” – United Nations

  18. “@mybearworld” – Chief Executive Chef

  19. “@oren” - Foreign Affairs

  20. “@wastedonion” - Town Crier

  21. “@joseph-stalin” - Head of Soviet Russia

  22. “@waffles” - Waffle Distribution

  23. “@rayne” - Weather Service

  24. “@han” - Hatch Department

  25. “@jeffalo” – King

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi
salad's avatar @salad

VoteKiwi

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

more hints

  1. heavy emphasis on the “logged in with github”

  2. the account was created last week

kiwi's avatar @kiwi

i accidentally created an alt account by logging in with github a while back

first person to find it gets to be the head of the (currently hypothetical) Kiwi-Late administration’s housing department

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

it’s true!

worth mentioning that speaking on the lesser news outlet cnn wasn’t fun, they don’t know how to truly do journalism like wastedonion does

wastedonion's avatar @wastedonion

Daily Election Update: Today, wasteof users found out who their candidates were, what they stand for, and just how fucked they are if this is the best we’ve got.

Updates from the campaign trail:

  • At his first rally, Oren shared details of his plan to create a secret police that will kill anyone who causes drama on the platform, going on to claim the killings will be done by Agent 47.

  • Speaking on lesser news outlet CNN, Kiwi pledged free Waffle House fights live streamed from The Crack House lawn by building a Waffle House directly facing the Oval Office.

  • Posting on wasteof, The-Owlsss said “a vote for me is a vote and that vote can go towards me so please vote for me with your vote because you can vote for me so please vote for me.”

  • TallPeter has pledged at a rally that they will make users shorter than 10 feet be legally required to be chairs for other users that are taller than 10 feet.

  • Elsie was seen dancing to Creep by Radiohead at a 2 hour Q&A forum without uttering a word before walking off stage.

  • V1 has promised via a post on wasteof that they will make users “eat, sleep and shit quarters.”

  • Pufferfish101007 has pledged to make all wasteof users eat cat food on Mondays no matter how much they cry or plead for mercy.

  • SixFourLu says they will expand the nation's cheese caves into all of your available orifices.

  • WannaBeRose called us ugly and it didn’t hurt our feelings. Not at all! Our investors say we’re pretty!

onion.png
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kiwi's avatar @kiwi
polygon's avatar @polygon

Just drew the autism creature wbu

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

i accidentally created an alt account by logging in with github a while back

first person to find it gets to be the head of the (currently hypothetical) Kiwi-Late administration’s housing department

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

the kiwi late discrimination has been corrected!

election's avatar @election

VOTE UNDER THIS POST BY Monday, July 7th 2025.

One vote per person (including if you’re running), no changing your vote (unless your choice gets disqualified)

You can vote for the following candidates:

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kiwi's avatar @kiwi

nah the kiwi late discrimination is insane 😔

election's avatar @election

VOTE UNDER THIS POST BY Monday, July 7th 2025.

One vote per person (including if you’re running), no changing your vote (unless your choice gets disqualified)

You can vote for the following candidates:

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