“We now move on to the… wetter part of the forest. Observe, if you will, this slimy little denizen: neither fish nor fowl, perched right upon the lip of the lapping brook. This blob-like, repellent, belch of nature… Evolution doesn’t have a plan. It makes frequent and catastrophic mistakes. And this is among its most horrible botch jobs! You could not pay me a thousand pounds to touch on its backside! And the witches tale that to touch it brings a wart, I believe is true! The toads of fiction are charming creatures; they wear waistcoats and drive motorcars. But the toads of nature are vile and grotesque abominations that should be snuffed out of existence. Everything has its part to play in the vast circle and panoply of nature, save the toad, which must be blotted out and shot into space!” -David Attenborough -Ross Bryant, Make Some Noise Season 2 Episode 3
finally, a positive side effect of erectile dysfunction
Hims Announces Erections Will Soon Feature Ads
https://theonion.com/hims-announces-erections-will-soon-feature-ads/
the council will decide your fate
There are maybe over 50 robins in the yard right now and perhaps they’re simply after freshly hatched bugs since it was a warm day, but the logical part of me can’t help but feel like they’re plotting something…
does she charter a private flight to move from one cell to another
ICYMI: Taylor Swift Spends Evening Editing Spreadsheet Ranking All Her Friendships
https://theonion.com/taylor-swift-spends-evening-editing-spreadsheet-ranking-all-her-friendships/
What better way to celebrate one’s 400th wasteof post than by quoting Abraham Lincoln, the 400th president of the United States?
uh oh, this is my 400th post on this account, better make it count!
balls.
this valentine’s day i would like to wish all ats-friendly résumé builder sites that pop up in search results for “free ats-friendly résumé builder” but hide the fact that they charge money for you to download the résumé you spent the last 15 minutes making until the very end of the process a very go bankrupt and lose all they money
if i had a nickel for every time in the last 51 days that both sickness and some additional factor forced me to postpone my dentist appointment, i'd have 3 nickels
huge perk of the apartment my family lives in is that you can hear the gentle pattering of the rain on the roof, absolutely love it it’s so relaxing
merry christmas gamers, hope y’all are doing well and are able to spend time with those you love
I voted today in a presidential election for the first time! Please go vote if you can and are eligible!
can’t believe they made hell from doom into a real thing
The afterlife now has a brutal difficulty for players who want to 'rip and tear!'
This includes changes such as:
Holy creatures have 50% more health and deal double splash damage. 
Demonic creatures are now immune to fire and poison damage. Holy water is 250% more effective. 
Holy symbols now spawn less frequently.
A secret 10th layer has been added! See if you can find it! 
Also candy has an extremely boosted spawn rate, and has exponentially less effect the more you consume. 
Have fun, Earthlings. Quite a challenge awaits you afterwards.
siting at my desked. straight up "desogning it". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. My brandins.
none of these words are in the bible
those who know + Balkan stare + Canadian jelq + Lithuanian munt cancel + Bolivian edgecancel + still water + mango phonk
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do any of y’all have a visceral distaste for drinks like seltzer or unsweetened tea purely bc they’re so close to water but aren’t quite water and it makes you uncomfy? like the frickn uncanny valley but with water? or is it just me
i am once again full of goop and am still not a big fan of the goop experience (sick for the second time in 7 weeks)