Kiwi 2025: A (potential) Government of Greatness
Featuring the following cool people as your (potential) Government of Greatness:
“@kiwi" – President
“@late” – Vice President
“@engineerrunner” – Secretary of State and Propaganda
“@toaks” – Treasurer
“@eris” – Defense
“@esben” – Attorney General
“@souple” – Agriculture
“@owl” – Commerce
“@chester” – National Intelligence
“@radi8” - Health
“@da-ta” - Design
“@wynd” - Housing
“@luckythecat” - Transportation
“@cheesewhisk3rs” - Energy
“@thrat” – Education
“@salad” – Homeland Security
“@noodle” – United Nations
“@mybearworld” – Chief Executive Chef
“@oren” - Foreign Affairs
“@wastedonion” - Town Crier
“@joseph-stalin” - Head of Soviet Russia
“@waffles” - Waffle Distribution
“@rayne” - Weather Service
“@han” - Hatch Department
“@jeffalo” – King
ok, so hear me out… again…
actual campaign logo and proposed cabinet coming soon…
oh also #toaksfortreasurer
#MemeManForPresident
in light of me being really indecisive, idk that i actually want to run this year…
guess i’m running after all… i sure do wonder who my vice presidential nomination is gonna be
guess i’m running after all… i sure do wonder who my vice presidential nomination is gonna be
in light of recent developments, i may have spoken too soon…
whenever re-elections happen I’m not even gonna run this time, the crack house must live on
goes to a comic con
is surrounded by comics for eight hours
goes home
has an unusual desire to buy and read comics
is this like the good version of stockholm syndrome
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE FROM THE CRACK HOUSE
Today I am doing a policy speedrun to fulfil every manifesto promise I haven’t completed yet. Each point number from my manifesto is in square brackets:
We’ve gotten the Oxford English dictionary to change the spelling of “enclosure” to “inclosure,” [2] meaning the acronym of the FBI is now Funny Baboon Inclosure. [3]
We have renamed New York to New York New York, so with its state its New York New York New York. [7]
Bologna has been criminalised [9] and decriminalised. [10]
Everyday is now Independence Day! [13]
The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal "bodeboop". A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready… Start! [14]
Our flag now has a cool dragon on it. [18]
The national motto is now “E Pluribus Unum? I hardly know ‘em!” [22]
The Supreme Court is now the Soup Meme Court. [23]
Gerrymandering is legal only if your name is Gerry. [24]
Tax fraud is OK sometimes but the IRS won’t tell you when and why. [25]
PRESS RELEASE ENDS
whenever re-elections happen I’m not even gonna run this time, the crack house must live on